Shame: Who Carries It?

I’ve been thinking about this idea of shame for a few weeks now (perhaps because I’ve recently faced my first tangible experience of shame, I’m not sure). There’s a line in one of my current favorite songs that asks, “who chose to carry all my shame?” It made me stop and think, and I have found that it is a concept that seems slightly elusive to me.

As a Christian, I’ve heard and stated and repeated the whole, “God has erased all my shame…all of my guilt is gone…I cannot disappoint God..” 'shpeel', but I honestly don’t recall ever feeling shame so strongly as when I clearly saw the negative effects of my choices/actions on one that I dearly love – a response that I truly did not expect; a response that was born out of love. So I ask myself:

What is shame?

Why do we have shame?

Is shame that is provoked by people something that people (or Christians?) should be concerned about?

How do we experience shame with God? After all, “therefore, there is now no condemnation…”

My bible dictionary/concordance defines shame as “a condition or feeling of humiliating disgrace or disrepute…” Shame brings feelings of criticism and condemnation, belittlement and a lessening of one’s value. I don’t know if you’re catching this vibe, but none of these things connect with the God that I know from the Bible. None of these feelings coincide at all with what God teaches us. So where does it come from?

There is most definitely a shame that comes with our fallen nature through sin. Our value, our worth, our acceptance are all based on what we do or don’t do. When we’re not good enough, we carry shame. Because in our fallen nature we can never be good enough for God, we innately carry shame that can’t ever be redeemed except by the blood of Jesus Christ. By his blood we are cleansed and forgiven, we are made whole and God looks at us as though we are new, spotless, unblemished. This is why scripture says that we no longer have any shame or condemnation through Christ Jesus. This is why we are not to carry shame as though we have some burden to work off. 

WE CAN’T WORK IT OFF!

AND THE BEAUTIUFL THING IS THAT HE DOESN’T ASK US TO!

But there is a shame that we need to be wary of... and that is casting a light of shame on God and His word. To make less of Him and what’s He’s done is to bring shame on His name and all that He is. Using His name in vain, dishonoring His righteous intentions, and rejecting His grace all make less of Him. God uses the weak to shame the proud. When we take what He has given us and make it something other than what He intended, when we take His name, His blood as our own, and wear it around as a casual windbreaker, we make less of Him. To make less of God in a world defiant to His love, is to say to the world, “you’re right, He’s not that big, not that important, not that significant.” You shame God. You shame His word. You shame the work of Christ on the cross.

That which is little is big in the hands of God. That which is weak is strong in the arms of God. That which is worthless is invaluable in the sight of God. Those who are humble will stand proud in the love of God.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” - Rom 8:1

The grace of God alone covers our shame. Let no one tell you otherwise.

Facing Fears

One of my favorite spots as a child was a window seat in one of our houses. It didn't overlook anything special; I don't even really remember what it was that I looked at, I just remember feeling at peace there. I would turn on some music, maybe get a book (or cd booklet), and just sit...and sing. It's been years since we lived there, but ever since, whenever I see a window seat, my heart gives a little leap of excitement. Not until moving to China have I had much experience with balconies (or rooftops), but I've come to realize I have a very similar reaction when I step out onto one. It's a feeling of release, of rest. 
I think that I might actually be afraid of heights deep down, but rather than running from that fear, I find the thrill of facing it freeing - with the exception of one time driving up the side of Pikes Peak with my family and being absolutely terrified that the van was gonna fall off the edge of the mountain. That is the only time I ever remember not being fully certain that my fear was unfounded. I bet my family didn't even know I was scared though. :) 
The reason I share this though is because every time I step onto a balcony, sit in a window seat or the edge of a roof, there's a part of me that feels as if I'm simply letting go of all control. I'm reminded that I am minuscule in the big picture and that I hold no control. The relief of not needing to is wonderful.

That window seat from my childhood has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks. In a strange bit of irony, I came to HK for a few days to get away and be alone to find that my bedroom has a wonderful window seat that is all mine to hole up in for hours at a time. Honestly, when I first climbed in, I was met with tears. This time I know that my escape comes in the form of the arms of my God. And in the process the lyrics to a song have spoken for me when I had no words.

 "I will stay, should the world 'round me fall, lift up Your name as the darkness falls. I will wait and hold fast to Your word; heart on Your heart and my eyes on Yours." - Stay and Wait, Hillsong United

You see, the world around me has fallen. All that I once knew and held tightly to has been exposed to be false. I have had walls broken down to reveal the devastation and neglect that has been ignored behind them. I feel weak. I feel exposed. I feel empty. 
My strength to give has all but diminished, not out of lack of desire, but a legitimate inability to do so. My energy is depleted and my emotions...are overwhelming. 
But there is a hope that I've found as well. Hope in knowing that in this exposure, this brokenness, I am ultimately, in the most desperate way possible, left at the mercy of God. It is by His hand that I've have been reduced to such and I am at peace with that. For I know that it is "in my weakness that He is made strong." I KNOW that He has full control. I also know that I have no means of taking back control. My life - however small and insignificant it is - is in His hands. And I find my solace in that.
So as I sit in the comfort of my window seat, feeling His arms of love wrapped around me, I'm finding the courage to face what I've been too scared to look at -  the loneliness that comes when you accept that people will always disappoint you. 
He will give me the strength to love again and by His mercy I will be made whole. I will be made complete in Him, and oh! The glory that He will receive in the end! 
"I will stay, should the world 'round me fall; lift up Your name as the darkness falls. I will wait, and hold fast to Your word; heart on Your heart and my eyes on Yours."