Worship is… Part 6: Letting Go

In August, I was able to spend about three weeks off just hanging out and enjoying a little bit of summer. The time in HK was wonderful but I hadn’t prepared (in any way) to spend two weeks away from home and I desperately needed some ‘me-time’ at my own home.

When I got the word back from the university that they were not going to allow me to finish my degree this year, I struggled. 

A lot.

For over 6 years I have struggled to earn my four-year degree. There always seems to be something getting in the way. When I would go to Abba and ask Him about it, He would force me to look back down the road I’ve taken and then ask, “would you have done anything differently?”

Was there ever a decision or life change that I made that I didn’t feel like God was leading me to? No. (Well, one. But it was minor and God saw fit to use even that time. J)

My journey through life has never been easy, predictable or even practical. But I know that God has never left my side. In every season of my life, there has been a lesson learned.

Dealing with family

Learning what it means to be a leader

Learning what it means to be a friend

Learning that prayer works

Developing a faithful prayer life

Discovering God in the moment

Finding the importance of family (given and acquired)

When to hold on

When to let go

How to communicate

Self-worth

Identity

Call

Purpose

Trusting God in the good

Trusting God in the bad

Trusting God always

The list could go on. 

The lessons have been endless. And often they connect without me even realizing.

In August I went to God and begged for an answer for the “why” – I wouldn’t graduate. I had failed once again. The voice in my mind was telling me that I would never do it. That I didn’t deserve to do it. And that everyone in my life would now know the truth that I had tried so desperately to hide.

I went to him. And I asked. But I was too scared to listen.

Those who I had told the news about school had been more supportive than I could have imagined. In part, because they were intentional about making sure that they did not view me any differently than they did before. It struck me that there were only three people in my life who knew how badly this hit stung me, and I am pretty confident that none of them went off and told the world that I needed words of encouragement about this. I knew it was Daddy.

But even with that, I was too scared to admit my insecurities, even to Him.

A few weeks later my roommate sat me down and asked the hard questions.

“Would you be content if you never got a degree?”

In forcing me to look at what school meant to me, whether it had become an idol, whether I needed to just give it up, what has God told me about school, I learned another lesson about myself and about God.

I learned that a degree had become a point of self-worth to me.

I remembered that God has been teaching me to turn to Him with every struggle.

I learned that in even in this God had/has and will continue to be working and in no way do my achievements define who I am.

I learned to let it go.

"Let it go! Let it go!….I don't care what they're going to say! Let the storm rage on…." (hehehe couldn't resist)