Three Years of Education

I lie down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me

- Ps 3:5

I will both lie down and sleep for you alone O Lord make me to dwell in safety.

- Ps 4:8

He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber - Ps 121: 3

After my first year in china, I went home with two major concepts on my heart:

1) that God is working while we sleep

2) that we are all missionaries.

After year three those two things are still huge in my heart.

I live my life for the gospel in China.

Do you live out of obedience or complacency?

Scripture tells us that there are certainly those who have been gifted with specific gifts and talents, but never does scripture ever indicate that some were called to “go and make disciples” (Matt 28:19) while others are to live contentedly where they’re comfortable.

God doesn’t sleep. He never sleeps. He is always at work. Always protecting. Always providing. Always was, always is, always will be by our sides. And always El Shaddai - powerful enough to take care of his children.

So even while you’re resting and recuperating from the struggles of life he’s still working. But have you ever stopped to consider what he’s doing? Ever asked? Have you ever considered how much more he would do if only his people would ask? (2 Chronicles 7:14)

We have all been called to be disciple-makers in our own little world’s – and that starts with prayer.

These are the things that Abba has been teaching and showing me this past year. He has given visions of lives changed for His glory, and broken relationships to be used to drive us closer to him. Most significantly, this year has been, I believe, a year of kind of commissioning for me. The call of God to lead others into His presence through music has never been more clearly spoken to me. God has pulled away from many of the distractions of life to cleanse and purify my heart, mind and life. Finally, this year was ended in my acceptance of His call to be where he called for whatever purpose he places me there – even when all I can do is pray.

My roommate and I recently moved into a new complex in a new neighborhood that He clearly told us to go. His intentions here are not fully known to us, but there is an assurance that His presence is even here and at work. We’re making friends and building relationships that allow for growth and revelation.

I have not been sent to China by the church to be a missionary, but I have been sent by God to be His ambassador. It’s terrifying to think on at times. It’s hard most of the time. In a conversation had with someone very dear to me, I was reminded that living in comfort and convenience (for me or for others) does not equate God’s direction and/or blessing. Things could be a lot easier and practical for me if I did them differently (ie, finishing my degree, getting married, speaking to people about God’s love), but Jesus said “if you love me, you’ll obey my commandments” and I’ve been commanded to China. I don’t know why. I don’t know how long. I do know that your prayers for me are endlessly blessing and encouraging. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Feel free to email with questions or comments! J

Perspective on Sacrifice (Just a Little)

I’ve been saved and redeemed for a while now. Close to 15 years. (I admit, it’s hard for me to believe that I’m even old enough to say that.) But it’s not until the last several months that the magnitude and significance of Jesus’ death on the cross really began to register in my heart and mind in a conscious, real-life kind of way.

I’ve been contemplating for a while now the concept of sacrifice.

When Jesus said that we must deny ourselves and take up a cross, he wasn’t glorifying martyrdom. Even if he were, he would have been preaching to the wrong crowd. No one there in his presence saw anything beautiful or glorious about a cross. When those crowds pictured the cross in their minds they saw shame, humiliation, punishment. The legalists would have probably seen the just reward to sinners. The hopeless would have seen fear and darkness. Jews probably saw Rome’s power and authority and felt their own insignificance.

This is what Jesus was preaching??

“…deny yourself and take up your cross…”

It gets better. Because there is a statement made before this that gives us the reason for such a humiliating and unappealing action…

“If anyone would come after me, you must…”

Sacrifice isn’t grand. It isn’t beautiful. It isn’t even merit-worthy.

Today’s Christian would say that those who “sacrifice” are something special, someone to look up to and respect, and I get that there’s a semi-valid foundation for that line of thinking, don’t get me wrong, but let’s not miss the true point. We have somehow managed to make something so horrid into a marketable perk.

A couple of weeks ago I started a new focus in my 5-year-old class – WWJD. As cliché as it may sound, it works for five year olds. :P I was having a talk with my class about things that Jesus did/does (a project we were about to start): he prayed, he forgives, he loves and he sacrifices. And I was telling the kids about sacrifice and how that relates to Jesus, I found myself fighting back tears over the magnitude of His love for me. At the same time, one of my students pipes up, “Ms. Raychel, I love Jesus.” To which I responded nonchalantly, with my back turned, “Me too. Sometimes it makes me cry.” Now, because I was completely wrapped up in controlling my own emotions I missed the significance of her little “Me too” response. But when I turned around to see a five year old in tears because of her love for her Savior, my heart was overwhelmed.

We look at what Jesus did for us and call it beautiful. And it was. The redemption that came from a God who loved His created, fallen world enough to allow His own son to die a humiliating, shameful death is worth all the praise and adoration we can muster up. But Christ was humiliated for me. He was shamed, degraded, belittled by choice, for me. And he calls me to do the same for him.

When I think about the life choices that I’ve made thus far, I often wonder, what sacrifices have I really made for God?

I live in a foreign country on the other side of the world, separated from friends and family who have supported and encouraged me through thick and thin, no matter how stupid  a decision may have seemed.

I’ve put aside dreams and aspirations of proving myself to the world as something special to follow the call that God has put on my heart to love on and help hurting souls in need of direction – and in the process have found the ultimate purpose and value.

And perhaps there are other, smaller, seemingly insignificant choices that have been made. And I don’t say any of this to toot my own horn. On the contrary not one of my decisions is any less than what Jesus said would have to happen to be His follower.

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily…” – Luke 9:23

I started this post off talking about the significance of Christ’s death on the cross. His blood covers a multitude of sins, it protects, it heals, it redeems, and so much more. It is a glorious thing, but certainly no small thing. I encourage you to take some time to contemplate the cross. It’s not just about eternity.

Perspective on Unbelief

Imagine an open ocean.
Wind blowing. Motors roaring. Bright yellow sun rising over the mountains into a perfectly blue sky in the distance. 

My heart sang, peace flooded, and joy, overwhelming joy came pouring out in song and prayers to my God who is so GREAT that he created all of this. 
A God more AWEsome than the awe inspired by what he fashioned with his words (Gen 1) and sustains in the palm of his hand (Isa 40). 
A God so much better than songs I can sing or words that I can string together.

Because the more that I get to know this God, the more that he reveals himself to me, the more I realize how GREAT He is and how little I am. 
And I don't say that to demean myself in any way, don't mistake me. I know that I have been "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psa 139) with intention and purpose, and that he has a plan for me (Jer 29). But I am still the created. And as fabulous as this creation may be, the Creator himself is SOO much more. 

In this beautiful moment that I got to experience the fullness of joy in joining with all creation to sing praises to my King (Psa 96) while speedboating off the coast of an island in Thailand, I heard the Spirit speak a word that I specifically want to share with you:

"Unbelief does not mean that I am not there. It does not mean that I have no power."

 Did you get that???

God is SOO incredibly HUGE, so BIG, so POWERFUL that he can, and even wants to work in the darkest of places. The places that many of us look at and go, "those people have no hope, what's the point?" or "it's/he's/she's just so hard/stubborn…", those are the places that God still wants to redeem. 

I was looking at the coast of Thailand and thinking about the number of temples and idols that are everywhere in the country when He reminded me that he still wants to redeem this people. 
I was thinking of people in my life whom I have had a hard time believing would ever come to lay down their burdens at the foot of the cross when He reminded me that He's still strong enough to save.
And money….finances…He's got them covered too…if we'll let him.
I got to thinking about the stories I heard as a child about how fairies would die if no one believed in them and I realized… God is not a fairy!


I don't know what this means to you today. I don't know where you're at or what your facing, but I want to encourage you. 
God is bigger than unbelief and doubt. 
He is stronger and wiser than logic (1 Cor 2) and can conquer any fear (1 John 4). 

"The Lord, you God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." Zeph 3:17

Perspective on Jesus

In the last couple of months, I’ve begun teaching the 5-year-old class at school. It’s been a lot of fun, especially since a few of them were in my first class two years ago and I’m constantly in amazement at how far they’ve come – in their English speaking as well as in their personality and individuality.

While teaching, I’m finding that one of my favorite subjects to do with them is Social Studies because Social Studies is apparently code for “Bible” in this curriculum. With the exception of a couple of worksheets here and there about some kind of randomness, the kids generally get to look at pictures while I read to them a Bible story. The reason that this is my favorite subject to teach them is because of the conversations that are had after the story is read. Of course, I have comprehension questions to ask the kids after the reading, but while we start off somewhere simple and logical, we generally end up somewhere completely unexpected. Like when Joseph became the second-in-command of Egypt, it wasn’t the forgiveness that Joseph showed his brothers or even the message of God using evil for good (which was the books intent) that the kids were concerned about. They were more interested in how and why Joseph’s father favored Joseph. When Abraham and Lot chose their land and went their separate ways, it was God’s creation that we spent more time talking about than God’s promised blessing. And the story of the Ten Lepers….the kids remembered my injured foot a few months back and pointed out that Jesus was the one who healed me.

Oh to think like a 5-year-old!

So last week we read about Nicodemus - the simplified version of course. But the story still mentioned sin and the kids weren’t exactly clear on what sin was, so I used time out as an illustration. And I pointed out that there was not a single perfect kid in class because everyone had been in time out at least once (at which point one of the kids asked if my mom ever put me in time out….they thought it was pretty funny that Ms. Raychel has been put in time out). And then one of them excitedly blurts out, “Jesus had no time out and helps my no time out because he loves me!”

That was the moment for me.

I love doing Bible stories with these kids because there is always a moment when I can see that God has just revealed Himself to one of these little ones in a new way, and that’s a beautiful moment.

May I be constantly reminded that He is still revealing himself to me as much as he is to these little ones. We are never too young, never too old, too bad or too good to learn more about this infinite God that we serve.

Perspective on Family

It’s been brought to my attention recently, that perspective plays a huge role in life. It dictates how we interpret interactions and how we respond. Perspective can keep us or push us into challenging situations that could make or break us. With this, there are a few topics that have been on my heart. Hopefully over the next few weeks I’ll be able to share some of them with you all.

I have been wonderfully blessed in life. It’s not exactly much of a secret that I come from a pretty dysfunctional home. There have been some messed up moments in my life. But despite the multiple divorces and marriages, the strained, codependent and unhealthy relationships, and all the baggage and accessories that come with that, I’ve come to realize that I have been highly blessed in regards to family.

I’ve realized that it’s easy for me to look at my life, the family situation that I grew up in and think, “it’s been a hard road comin’ and you have no idea the challenges that have been faced and dealt with”, but even with that, I’ve never been without at least one person who I knew loved me and wanted the best for me. I have never been left to fend for myself. I’ve never had to feel the pain of disappointing my family with my choices because I know that I not only have their wise input, but also their full support in whatever I do. It wasn’t until I moved to China that I really began to see this. And it wasn’t until encountering other individuals here in China that have had to struggle with a seeming lack of support from family and the pain that is inflicted when one is forced to walk a path different from the rest that I really saw the blessing in what I have.

Sure life overseas is hard. It’s difficult being away from the familiar. It’s lonely living away from those closest to you. And often I find myself questioning what it is that made me pack up and move my life to the other side of the world, knowing that it would mean missing life events back home with friends and family.

My answer:

         My life is not my own.

I made a choice to follow Christ. I said I would go wherever He sent me, stay as long as He told me and serve however He equips me. I won’t pretend to have any position to tell God the conditions of surrender. And that was my choice: surrender. A surrendering all that was mine to the God who has all that I want.

So here’s a big shout out and THANK YOU to all of my family back home who have not only supported my decisions, but have always been an encouragement for me to keep pressing on and a small picture to me of what it means to love well. I love you.

2013

I'm thankful for a week of beautiful sunshine and warmth during a week that I've actually been able to just sit and enjoy it. Taking time to rest and relax has been a beautiful blessing this week.

While sitting out on the balcony in the sunshine on New Year's Eve, one of my roommates asked me what happened in 2013. Suddenly, I could remember exactly where I was on December 31, 2012 and it hit me just how much has happened this year.
At the beginning of 2013 I was despairing, depressed. I had hit bottom and had no where to go but up, with no strength to do the climbing. I remember the first Sunday of the year, I walked into church having prayed a prayer that said something along the lines of, "God I need you to show me that you're here with me and that I'm not all alone." I found myself curled into a ball in the bathroom hallway with a stranger trying to soothe the tears as I was overwhelmed by God's response of love, compassion and warmth to me. That was before the sermon had even started. 
That was the beginning of 2013 for me. 
2013 was a year of experiences, revelations, victories, reminders, learning and blessing.
God didn't stop after that one service. He gave me time soak up the truth of what he had revealed to me. A month later, he started the work. He reminded me what love is, what forgiveness is, what healing is. This process went all the way through the summer, if not up to the present. Relationships have been restored and strengthened, while others have been let go with the trust that God is still working them out. Personally, I see a greater confidence in who I am in Christ, and who he created me to be. I've had a hunger awakened in me to not just know more, but to be more about Him.

If I took the time to sit a share every God moment that has happened in 2013, no one would  read this blog. There's just too much to share! And that's just of the moments that I've recognized. I know there are those that I've missed and those that have not yet been fully revealed either. 
I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but God is good. I wasn't particularly sad to see the end of 2013, but neither was there a sense of relief that comes at the end of a trial. Rather, His peace has settled my heart in the most uncertain of matters. To be certain, God has never left me alone and never once did he fail to come through in my time of need. 
2014 holds the promise of growth, His continued work and more blessings to come. I can't wait!

It's Not Fair

I'm still crippled. I'm still sitting around with not much to do. 
That's a lie. I have tons to do. What's good is that most of it doesn't involve my foot - unless it's getting books and computers from one room to another...or going to work (meh). 
But in my downtime, I've had a lot of time to sit and think and listen (ok, talk) to God. 
Truthfully, my attitude has really stunk the last several weeks. I know it. I'm not proud of it. But this whole, let-others-do-for-you-so-you-can-get-better-thing has really pushed me hard. And I've found myself doing a lot of thinking about fairness. Because in my mind, it's not fair that I can no longer help clean up after dinner and do the dishes. It's not fair that I get yelled at by the people around me when I try to get up and do something on my own. It's not fair that I get angry with people who pay no attention to the fact that I'm on crutches and can only do so much with no available hands and one semi-good foot. It's not fair that when someone needs something, I can't just get up and get it for them. It's not fair that other people's schedules have had to readjust to my crippledness. It's not fair.
And as I've been whining about all of this to God, I started wondering what scripture says about fairness, and to that end...is fairness even a biblical concept?? Or is that another one of our western, "democratic" ideas that we assume is for the best of everyone?

The first scripture to pop into my head was the Golden Rule - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Or if you want it in biblical terms, "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). Logically, this makes sense, right? In kindergarten terms, it translates into "don't hit if you don't want to get hit", "be nice to the teacher if you want the teacher to be nice to you", "help a friend who's in need", etc. In adult terms I translate this as, "I do my best not to let my life overflow into yours in an inconvenient way, and you do the same" and "if I do something nice for you, you'll return the favor at a convenient time." But when asked "who is my neighbor?", Jesus responded with the story of the Good Samaritan - a man who went out of his way, with no necessity to help out one in need (who was NOT his friend)....
Naturally, my spirit kept prodding....Because then I thought, "What a great idea to do a quick study on what the bible says about fairness!"
I won't take you through the WHOLE thought process, but here's a quick look at some of the highlights I found:
James 2:1-5 (which we just discussed in study group about a month ago!) - My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him?
Ecc 9:11 - Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.
Prov 16:11 - A just balance and scales are the Lords, all the weights in the bag are his work.
Matt 20:16 - "So the last shall be first and the first shall be last"...coming at the end of the story about the laborers who all agreed to work for a denarius.
Gal 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
and finally,
John 3:16,17  - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

I've been doing a lot of complaining because I'm the cripple and it's not fair that I should be unable to take care of myself. But through a brief run through the scriptures here's the truth that I've come to in a new light:
      
Life is not fair.

Whether I'm the poor one or the rich one, the healthy one or the sick one, the right gender, color, height, weight, educated or not, we will ALL one day be judged by the righteousness and justice of God. And THAT is the only standard that will matter in the end. He is good and just in all things, but He showed mercy when we had no hope of redeeming ourselves because of His love for us. He asks us to do the same.
He doesn't ask us to be fair for the sake of equality; He doesn't ask us to act justly for the sake of legalism; and He doesn't ask us to live righteously so that we can be better than the lost who have not experienced His grace. All of those things allow us to judge "fairly" based on ourselves.
He asks us to love others so that the world "will know we are His by our love one for another" (John 13:35) - this said after Jesus washed the disciple's feet. 
It takes as much humility to graciously receive love as it does to give unearned, unfelt, unsolicited love. It's not fair.

Thank God it's not fair!!