So, I apparently have this thing called Plantar Fasciitis. You can look it up and figure out all the details on your own, but the gist of what this means to me is that I'm not allowed to walk on my foot until it stops hurting again.
Can I just say that I've had my fair share of illnesses, this I know, and I've learned that I am a pretty pathetic patient. But I've also learned that I mostly just want everyone to feel sorry for me and know how miserable I feel, I don't actually expect people to do anything for me. So here I am stuck in bed or condemned to crutches and I'm forced to let others do for me what I should be perfectly capable of doing for myself. To make matters worse, there's the whisper of a lie in the back of my mind that says "this situation is [my own] fault... should have done something about it two weeks ago when the pain first started." The reality is, I'm not sure that anything would have come of it weeks ago. The pain just climaxed at the end last week and when I went to the doctor, he told me there was nothing wrong (see why I don't go!!). Needless to say, I've been struggling at learning some new lessons on pride and humility, as well as patience.
I believe that there is certainly another player at work in this however. I've been leading music for our fellowship here for the last two weeks and have spent lots of time in prayer over what God would want to do in these services. Last week in particular, I sensed God was setting me up for something powerful. First of all, I wasn't even supposed to be leading that week originally. A few weeks back I felt God laying it on my heart to lead music for the next testimony service AND THEN the schedule got changed. (And I hadn't even put these two things together until after the change was made and accepted.) To keep a longish story short, songs, testimonies, scriptures and teams were all coming together seemingly with little to no effort on my part, and as the week drew near my excitement grew for what God wanted to do. But when Sunday morning came, I couldn't walk. Mind you I'm expected to be standing when I lead.
Can I walk you through my week last week?
Mon-Tues: in bed sick
Wed-Thurs: still sick but back at work; also dealing with a sore foot that I can't walk on. Visit the emergency room Thurs only to be told "all is well".
Fri: I felt wonderful
Sat: I couldn't walk. Spent the afternoon running around on crutches and doing random errands to continue on with life as usual.
Sunday morning I made my way into church on my crutches looking and feeling ridiculously pathetic and walked up to a team whose faces all conveyed the pity I wanted so desperately to avoid and chose to focus on the joy of what the morning held before us. We prayed over the service and each other and the week and were about to get started with practice when one of the team members asks for us all to join together in prayer against the enemy that would use my foot as a deterrent to keep me from being there and following through on what God would do through me and the team. It was then that it hit me how horrible my week really had been. But I was so filled with excitement for congregational worship Sunday morning that none of the attacks seemed to be hitting the mark. That just fanned the flame already burning in me.
Now, I'm feeling a bit like Elijah after Mt Carmel. My foot feels worse, if not the same as it did on Sat (which was the worst). My upper body is bruised and abused from the crutches. My one supporting good leg is threatening to revolt. I'm just overall exhausted from the effort it takes to do anything and to top it all off, I twisted my wrist this morning walking the dog, making walking on crutches that much more painful.
I won't go so far as to say "I'm the only one...", I know that's not true. But I keep looking back to Sunday and trying to grasp a hold of the hope and joy that I had seemingly so long ago.
I am feeling attacked and I'm fighting off discouragement. But I'm laying down my pride here long enough to ask those of you reading this to please be in prayer for my mind, spirit and body. I know this will end and things will get better again. I also know that my God answers prayers and I would really appreciate you all joining my roommates and I in this. Thanks
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