The Brokenness of Being Abroad

Living abroad is exciting.

You get to see new places. Experience new cultures. Meet wonderful people. And if you’re really lucky, you get to see the amazing works of God all over in the world.

Knowing that this is exactly where God has called me to be right now, I love my life.

I love the adventures.

I love the stories.

I love God.

More and more everyday.

But the truth is that living abroad is hard. Living abroad hurts. And living abroad is far from easy.

When you’re living abroad everything is foreign. EVERYTHING.

From food to housing to culture to transportation to language, everything is different. Even in cultures that might be similar to your home culture, it’s still different enough to remind you at the end of the day that this is not where you came from.

When you’re living abroad people are far away.

The sad fact is that living abroad means leaving behind lifelong friends and the closest of family members. The people who [you] promised to write every week; [you] don’t. The people you used to talk to every day suddenly seem to have disappeared at times. You miss out on life events that you never would have dreamed of missing – ie. Weddings, pregnancies, babies, graduations, family reunions, birthdays, the list goes on. The big stuff, the small stuff, it all becomes even more significant when you’re in another country.
Sure, you meet great people while living abroad. God provides amazing community and you find that you’ve all managed to create your own weird little family culture that somehow (divinely) works. But even then, the reality is that as expats living abroad, people are transient. They come. They go. And you learn that goodbyes are never far away.

When you’re living abroad nothing is as easy as it would be at home.

Whether you’re dealing with visas and banks or just navigating the processes of a new culture, it’s common to briefly think, “at home I would have just _______ and then ______.” But you’re not at home. And even the easiest of days can be an incredible expenditure of emotional energy that leaves you exhausted when you hit the bed.

The reality is that when God calls us to leave the comfort of home to go “to the land that I will show you”, it’s far from easy. It’s not always fun. And those back home rarely get to witness the tears and brokenness that is experienced from the other side of an ocean or border.

The stress of not knowing what the next step is going to be, or how this need is going to be met can be overwhelming.

The pain of feeling misunderstood by those you most want to run to for comfort is difficult to be put into words.

The brokenness of knowing that your absence is a source of hurt in the lives of those you care about is heart-wrenching.

Those of us who have been called away from home, security, friends and familiar may happily walk away seemingly oblivious to what we’re walking away from. We’re not.

If we fail to maintain regular contact, we ask for grace as we extend the same grace to you.

When you see all the Facebook photos of all the fun and wonderful things that we’re getting to experience, remember that there are hours and days of pain and stress and fighting that aren’t being broadcast to the world. We’re human too.

And when we ask for help – of whatever kind that may be – please don’t assume that we’re actually talking to someone else, or that someone else will fill the need. Because the reality is, it’s really easy to feel alone when your closest loved ones are 7,774 miles away. No matter where you are or who’s with you.

An Altar of Praise

A week ago Jo and I walked into a church feeling pretty beat down and hopeless. 

We were desperate.

Desperate for a word from God.

Desperate to make a friend.

Desperate to keep our heads above water to keep from sinking.

We needed to find a place to live. We needed to find a job. We needed a community to surround and support us. We needed to see God walking before us.

So we went to a church (that she and I had each stumbled across separately and wanted to visit) and got there 30 minutes early.

30 minutes of silence.

No welcomes.

No connections.

Just watching as everyone else came in and began sharing with each other.

Then…just as service was about to start, a lady came and sat next to us. She was kind and introduced her self and we got to talk for a moment. And then the service began.

And God reminded me that when all else is lost I can, and WILL, praise His name.

He reminded me of every promise He gave me in Xiamen, and I reclaimed them again.

My Daddy reminded me that he’s “never failed, and [He] won’t start now.”
And at the end of it all, I was reminded that Yahweh is worthy of ALL the glory and ALL the honor and ALL the praise in EVERYTHING.

God is good… all the time. And all the time God is good.

So then after the service is over, the lady next to us starts asking us questions about why we’re here and what we need. Before we knew it she was introducing us to people who could possibly help us out and had given us her contact information so that we could get together again later in the week.
We walked out of church feeling full and blessed and walking on water again, knowing that our God was still walking with us.

On Monday I received an email reply from a local student ministry leader that I’d contacted the previous week. He (and his wife) very warmly and graciously welcomed us to Germany and invited us to dinner at their home Friday night. (Did I mention that they were in the middle of packing up their home and moving to a new location?) We also heard of a bike (plus necessary accessories) that was available in our price range. (A bike is a necessary and practical form of transportation here in Freiburg.)

On Tuesday, we received word from our friend we’d met on Sunday that if we weren’t able to find a place to live before our time at our current location was up, that she and her housemates would be happy to welcome us for a few weeks as we continued figuring things out.

On Wednesday we were able to purchase the bike, with no issues and mostly brand new or mostly new accessories. We were also able to attend the church’s midweek service (which is in German) and made another friend.

Thursday, Jo and I decided to make use of our new bike (and a borrowed one from our current host) and visit a nearby lake for a swim and some sun-time. We then got to meet up with our Sunday church friend for some exploring the town and just getting to know more about each other. It was a great time of blessing and encouragement.

On Friday, we went to dinner at this couple’s house and discovered that this meeting was by no means coincidental. It just so happens that the house that they’re moving to, has a shared apartment attached to it (cuz shared living is the thing to do here in Germany) that happened to be in need of some tenants. Three bedrooms to be exact. And the rent is better than we could imagine. After several hours of conversation about all sorts of things – life, passions, intentions, God-stories – there was just an overwhelming sense of God’s divine purpose in this meeting. We even left with clothes and house things that we’d been praying about.

Saturday we went back to the lake (which after two record hot 100 degree days, was significantly warmer than it was on Thursday), and then went to look at the potential apartment. Once again, we see God answering specific prayers. Tomorrow (Sunday), we’ll give them our [yes] answer.

People said we probably couldn’t find housing in a week – but God can.

People said that a place with two rooms for both Jo and I would be hard to find – but God found it.

People said that community is what you make of what you have – God has provided a community to surround us in support and encouragement.

You can’t buy new jackets and shoes with money you don’t have – but God can provide them.

You can’t buy a bike without funds – but God can provide the [exact] means to do so.

To all of you who have questioned and wondered at the logic of moving somewhere without a plan and “blaming” God, I say, My God will not fail.

To all who think that we’re crazy, I say, I’m crazy about my Jesus, and that’s who I follow.

And to all of you who have supported this transition through prayer, encouragement and financial giving, I say, God bless you for your faithfulness to the work that He is doing and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I realize that some of you might fit more than one of those categories up there =], and that’s ok. I am well aware that this move was not practical, but I am convinced it was right. I’m fully aware that it’s crazy, but I know that I serve a BIG, crazy God. And I know that asking for financial support after the fact looks like poor planning, but my only defense is God. I would/will not wait to obey on the basis of financial means and support. My God will supply all of [my] needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19). (He may just use you. :})

I serve an AWESOME God!!!

Without Borders

Well we made it Germany.

When the plane began it’s decent into Frankfurt airport, I broke down into tears. The reality and the gravity of what we had embarked on was finally settling in, and I was scared. I wasn’t just scared, I was feeling highly insecure and completely overwhelmed. A lot of prayers and some verbal processing helped to relieve some of that. I’m so thankful to have such a dear friend with me on this journey. It could be miserable walking this road alone.

So, we made it to Germany.

And as beautiful as it is here and as wonderful as it seems to call this home, things have not exactly gone the way that we’d hoped they would upon arrival.

The school that I had been expecting to enroll in for the winter semester did not, in fact, accept me; for reasons that were completely unexpected and cannot currently be corrected. This means that to pursue any kind of study will cost more money and that was not in the budget upon arrival. Naturally, this leads one to question.

So I went to God and I questioned:

            “Why did I not get accepted?”
            “What I am I supposed to do now?”

And the big one…

            “Was coming here a mistake?”

But through the confusion, I maintained a sense of peace and assurance that God was still God and He was still leading.

We got to spend a few days visiting a friend in the Czech Republic where I was encouraged by Sisters, as well as confirmed by the Spirit by a burden for the Church in Europe. There was conversation and rumination about the Body as whole – what is the role, how does it look, what does it mean for people like me who often feel wholly disconnected from it?

Answers are still in the process.

What I have been getting from Daddy are daily reminders of what faith looks like and what faith does.

Starting in Matthew 8:5-13 with the story of the Centurion’s faith. Jesus himself, was amazed at the Centurion’s faith in Jesus’ ability to heal. That man had nothing to hold to think that Jesus would fulfill his request, no promise to cling to, no rule or qualification to redeem him. He had only the assurance of Jesus’ reputation and character; and the belief that Jesus could do the miracle that was being asked of him. He had faith. And that faith commended him to Jesus. That faith gained him the results that he sought – his servant’s healing.

 This same story is told in Luke 7. And it is followed by the story of Jesus raising the widow’s dead son. She didn’t ask, but Jesus’ compassion for a broken heart moved him to act. Luke 7 concludes with the story of the woman who washes Jesus’ feet with tears. After a conversation with Simon the Pharisee about a hearts response to forgiveness and redemption, Jesus’ response to the woman states simply, “your faith has saved you…” (emphasis mine). She hadn’t asked him for anything. He didn’t make any conditional promises. She believed in who Jesus said that he was and the loving character that he conveyed. And that alone saved her.

Going back to Matthew 8 in verse 18 (and Mark 4: 34-41, Luke 8:22-25) is the story of Jesus asleep on the boat during a storm. The disciples are terrified and, after waking Jesus in terror, are rebuked for their lack of faith. Imagine being one of Jesus’ disciples and watching him heal the lame and bring the dead back to life and redeem the unredeemable and then being rebuked for not believing that His presence on the boat would be enough to keep them safe.

The stories go on.

The man in the tombs delivered from the Legion of demons, who responds with submission and devotion to Jesus (Matt 8:28-34, Mark 5: 1-20, Luke 8: 27-39).

Jairus who came to Jesus and says, “My daughter has just died, but come and lay your hands on her and she will live.” His faith saved his daughter’s life (Matt 9:18-26, Mark 5: 22-43, Luke 8: 41- 56).

The woman with the issue of blood who was determined that simply touching Jesus’ robe would heal her, and it did! (Matt 9: 20-22, Mark 5: 25-34, Luke 8: 43-48) (This happened for many others who believed as well.)

The two blind men following Jesus and crying out to him for healing were healed “according to [their] faith” (Matt 9: 27-31).

Peter walked on water because he believed that Jesus would enable him to do so. Granted, his faith wavered and he began to sink, but his faith allowed him to take his first steps on the waves (Matthew 14:22-33).

The twelve apostles were sent out to perform miracles and healings (Matt 10: 5-15, Mark 6: 7-13, Luke 9: 1-6), not of their own power, but in the power of their faith in Jesus.  

There are so many more stories that I couldn’t begin to recount them all here (nor do I think you’d want to sit and read them all here), but there’s a lesson I’m being taught and reminded of again and again:

When we step out of our comfort zone, have faith not just that God can act, but that he has the compassion and desire to want to act.

It’s not too much for us to go to God with a big request, with nothing but a little mustard seed’s faith and a trust in WHO HE SAYS HE IS.

My move to Germany was the biggest act of faith I’ve ever taken. I’ve repeatedly gone to God and reminded him of the promises that He gave to me, and declared once again my trust in him. But what I love most about this amazing God that I serve, is His graciousness. I feel his smile as he watches me walk this unknown road like a child constantly checking to see if my Daddy is still there. He’ll never leave me or forsake me (Heb 13:5). That’s a promise I can bank on. He loves me. And He is not a man, that He should lie (Num 23:19).

Don’t be afraid to trust God for who he is.

I'm walking on water.