Without Borders

Well we made it Germany.

When the plane began it’s decent into Frankfurt airport, I broke down into tears. The reality and the gravity of what we had embarked on was finally settling in, and I was scared. I wasn’t just scared, I was feeling highly insecure and completely overwhelmed. A lot of prayers and some verbal processing helped to relieve some of that. I’m so thankful to have such a dear friend with me on this journey. It could be miserable walking this road alone.

So, we made it to Germany.

And as beautiful as it is here and as wonderful as it seems to call this home, things have not exactly gone the way that we’d hoped they would upon arrival.

The school that I had been expecting to enroll in for the winter semester did not, in fact, accept me; for reasons that were completely unexpected and cannot currently be corrected. This means that to pursue any kind of study will cost more money and that was not in the budget upon arrival. Naturally, this leads one to question.

So I went to God and I questioned:

            “Why did I not get accepted?”
            “What I am I supposed to do now?”

And the big one…

            “Was coming here a mistake?”

But through the confusion, I maintained a sense of peace and assurance that God was still God and He was still leading.

We got to spend a few days visiting a friend in the Czech Republic where I was encouraged by Sisters, as well as confirmed by the Spirit by a burden for the Church in Europe. There was conversation and rumination about the Body as whole – what is the role, how does it look, what does it mean for people like me who often feel wholly disconnected from it?

Answers are still in the process.

What I have been getting from Daddy are daily reminders of what faith looks like and what faith does.

Starting in Matthew 8:5-13 with the story of the Centurion’s faith. Jesus himself, was amazed at the Centurion’s faith in Jesus’ ability to heal. That man had nothing to hold to think that Jesus would fulfill his request, no promise to cling to, no rule or qualification to redeem him. He had only the assurance of Jesus’ reputation and character; and the belief that Jesus could do the miracle that was being asked of him. He had faith. And that faith commended him to Jesus. That faith gained him the results that he sought – his servant’s healing.

 This same story is told in Luke 7. And it is followed by the story of Jesus raising the widow’s dead son. She didn’t ask, but Jesus’ compassion for a broken heart moved him to act. Luke 7 concludes with the story of the woman who washes Jesus’ feet with tears. After a conversation with Simon the Pharisee about a hearts response to forgiveness and redemption, Jesus’ response to the woman states simply, “your faith has saved you…” (emphasis mine). She hadn’t asked him for anything. He didn’t make any conditional promises. She believed in who Jesus said that he was and the loving character that he conveyed. And that alone saved her.

Going back to Matthew 8 in verse 18 (and Mark 4: 34-41, Luke 8:22-25) is the story of Jesus asleep on the boat during a storm. The disciples are terrified and, after waking Jesus in terror, are rebuked for their lack of faith. Imagine being one of Jesus’ disciples and watching him heal the lame and bring the dead back to life and redeem the unredeemable and then being rebuked for not believing that His presence on the boat would be enough to keep them safe.

The stories go on.

The man in the tombs delivered from the Legion of demons, who responds with submission and devotion to Jesus (Matt 8:28-34, Mark 5: 1-20, Luke 8: 27-39).

Jairus who came to Jesus and says, “My daughter has just died, but come and lay your hands on her and she will live.” His faith saved his daughter’s life (Matt 9:18-26, Mark 5: 22-43, Luke 8: 41- 56).

The woman with the issue of blood who was determined that simply touching Jesus’ robe would heal her, and it did! (Matt 9: 20-22, Mark 5: 25-34, Luke 8: 43-48) (This happened for many others who believed as well.)

The two blind men following Jesus and crying out to him for healing were healed “according to [their] faith” (Matt 9: 27-31).

Peter walked on water because he believed that Jesus would enable him to do so. Granted, his faith wavered and he began to sink, but his faith allowed him to take his first steps on the waves (Matthew 14:22-33).

The twelve apostles were sent out to perform miracles and healings (Matt 10: 5-15, Mark 6: 7-13, Luke 9: 1-6), not of their own power, but in the power of their faith in Jesus.  

There are so many more stories that I couldn’t begin to recount them all here (nor do I think you’d want to sit and read them all here), but there’s a lesson I’m being taught and reminded of again and again:

When we step out of our comfort zone, have faith not just that God can act, but that he has the compassion and desire to want to act.

It’s not too much for us to go to God with a big request, with nothing but a little mustard seed’s faith and a trust in WHO HE SAYS HE IS.

My move to Germany was the biggest act of faith I’ve ever taken. I’ve repeatedly gone to God and reminded him of the promises that He gave to me, and declared once again my trust in him. But what I love most about this amazing God that I serve, is His graciousness. I feel his smile as he watches me walk this unknown road like a child constantly checking to see if my Daddy is still there. He’ll never leave me or forsake me (Heb 13:5). That’s a promise I can bank on. He loves me. And He is not a man, that He should lie (Num 23:19).

Don’t be afraid to trust God for who he is.

I'm walking on water.

I'm in Korea

I'm currently sitting in a cafe at Incheon International Airport, waiting for our one o'clock flight to Frankfurt. Today's been good so far. It's been restful and easy-going.
That's not to say that yesterday wasn't those things. :)

Actually, yesterday was a wonderful blessing in many ways. Despite the LONGEST check-in line ever and a delay in taking off from Xiamen Airport (not at all a surprise), we were thrilled to witness blessing after blessing come throughout the trip. From cheaper luggage prices, to refunded money (still not clear on how that happened), to an easy meeting with a friend who was able to lead us directly to our hotel, to another discount, to a dinner at Taco Bell (scoff if you'd like but it's been over two years, and the last few months have been especially difficult), to a soft bed to spend the night on.
Even though I was fighting some head pain and nausea - which was probably more anxiety than any bug or ailment - I found myself smiling and thanking Jesus for the many blessings and the assurance that he is with us through this journey; from the beginning.
This morning, I had a moment to pause and enjoy. I thought about the many goodbyes that have been said in the last few weeks. Thought about the many who have joined with us in prayer for this next journey. Thought about how many promises have been given for this next season. Thought about the wonderful fact that we didn't have to rush to get to the airport this morning. :)
This morning I got a Dunkin Donuts coffee and I had a Taco Bell burrito for brunch. (Stop judging!!!)
I'm satisfied. No. I'm beyond satisfied.
I'm blessed. Beyond measure.
And I believe that this is just the beginning of what's to come.
Saying yes to this adventure meant a whole new dependance on Daddy. A whole new level of faith that I haven't known before. A whole new experience.

Someone asked me recently if I was glad to be leaving China. My answer: "I've been happy in China for four years because I know that this is where God wanted me those years. I'm happy to leave China now because I know that it's what God has told me to do."
I'm excited to be moving to Germany. I really am. Never did I ever think that this would be my life. But I'm thankful that it is. I think about the stories that I'm collecting and the experiences that I'm sharing and the lives that I'm witnessing, and I think, "wow! THIS is my life."
But the thing that has always gotten me the most excited is knowing that I'm right where God wants me  to be. So whether I'm in China or Seoul or Freiburg or somewhere in Africa or Australia or the United States, it really makes no difference to me. God loves all of those people. And if that's where he's sending me, it probably for a reason worth witnessing. I want to be there.
I'm thankful for this life, despite the "sacrifices" it's cost me. It's not always easy. It's certainly not convenient. And while perhaps a little glamorous at times, there are real tears, fears and brokenness that happens regularly.
Be excited with me. But please don't forget to pray. And obey! You never know what God will do with one who is willing to obey. Love you all!

Here We Go!!

What I want you to know without a doubt from this blog is that this move to Germany is nothing short of a step of obedience to my Master.

In the midst of all the glamour and glitz that comes with the statement “I’m moving to Europe”…

despite

my worldly desires to complete a degree program….

and even (for some) my seeming inability to stay in one place for more than a few years at a time,

this move is not about restlessness, it’s not about practicality, it’s not about experience.

It’s about God.

In the beginning of this process, I wondered what the point of such a move really was. I suspected that if I were to go to Germany to study that I would have a great opportunity to witness to other college students and work with student ministries within the local body.

But then…one evening I was informed, by a friend, of a conference that is happening in Germany the week before we are due to arrive. At the time however we were unsure of the dates, and hoping that we might actually be able to attend. So I jumped online and looked up the Awakening conference. I began talking to God about how wonderful it would be to get to be a part of it when I felt the Spirit speaking quietly, “you will be there for follow up.”

“OH! Ok…” I said.

The next day was our weekly prayer meeting with a few friends and after quite a bit of time of the Spirit stirring my spirit about His desires to be seen in Europe, Jo and I received a word that was based out of Haggai 2: 1, 3- 9:

“In the seventh month, on the twenty-first day of the month, the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet,….Who is left among you who saw this house in its former glory? How do you see it now? Is it not as nothing in your eyes? Yet now be strong, O Zerubbabel, declares the Lord. Be strong, O Joshua…the High Priest. Be strong, all of you people of the land, declares the Lord. Work, for I am with you, declares the Lord of hosts, according to the covenant that I made with you when you came out of Egypt. My Spirit remains in your midst. Fear not. For thus says the Lord of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the Lord of hosts. The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts. The latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former, says the Lord of hosts. And in this place I will give peace, declares the Lord of hosts.”

Here’s what this said to us:

Firstly, “In the seventh month on the twenty-first day…” At the time of this passages first reading, our expected departure date was July 20, which would put our arrival date in Germany on the 21^st. As it is, we will actually be leaving China on the 21^st of July. Either way, the date was enough to catch our attention and recognize that God was about to speak to us.

“Who of you is left…?” For those of you who are not aware, this year is the 70^th anniversary of WWII and the Nuremburg trials. And there was a recent reminder/awareness of this as we heard this passage. Since WWII, there has not been another significant “kingdom” to redeem or bring any kind of glory to Germany, or even Europe really. The world has desperately been seeking a kingdom that would fulfill and prosper the people, and that has yet to happen. The more we strive, the further we seem to get. But He is not letting us go

The call to “be strong” in the face of seeming hopelessness is spoken to the current governor, again to the High Priest, and then again to the people as a whole. As if to say, “this is not just a word of solace for little people, but I want every one of you to know – from the bottom to the top – that you need only to remain strong in your faith, for I have not forgotten the promise that I made to you.”

So WORK!

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever your role, work out your faith. Put it in action. Let it be more than just words.

Beyond all this, I’m sensing an overarching message of hope that is being communicated through ALL lands. Catch that? ALL

No matter what country you’re currently living in or claim as “home”, there is an undeniable awareness to God’s movement.

God is shaking nations.

In China. In America In Africa In Australia. Even in Europe.

To the ends of the world, He is at work. And we should be too.

There is an awakening that is happening and we would be wise to pay attention. You have a part to play in all of this as well.

Over the last months I’ve heard a lot of negativity about the spiritual darkness that is prevalent in Europe. I’ve even heard some profess that the only way God will be made known there again is if it is done in the miraculous, because the intellectual argument just wont work there. But I challenge you with this.

It is only by the supernatural, miraculous work of the Spirit in our hearts that any of us ever come to a saving knowledge of Christ. No matter who or where you are. And in Europe, who would know better how to make God known, than God himself?? J He knows. And he’s already begun that miraculous work.

For some reason He’s felt inclined to invite me alongside Him in this miraculous work. And I feel completely inadequate. This scripture in Haggai is not the only word that I’ve received about this move to confirm that God is on the move and taking me with Him to Europe.

For me there have been prophetic words, other scriptures, messages, and quiet stirrings to continue moving me forward.

What has he invited you to be a part of where you are?

This transition, as exciting as it is, is not going to be a cake walk. I would love your prayers and support. As nothing Good comes easy, I’ve already seen opposition come against us.

Upon arrival, I will need to go to the school with my documents, and hopefully find a job and a place to live pretty quickly. I will have an interview with the school in August before I find out if they see fit to accept me. (I’m trusting that since God said go, he’ll take care of the acceptance as well.) Beyond that, my prayer is that I will be submitted and receptive to the Spirit’s leading. I’m asking for practical provision as well as spiritual courageousness. The next few years are going to be all new for me in many, many ways.

Worship Is….Part 8: Listening

That is what worshiping the Living God is all about!

And man, oh man, do I worship a LIVING God!

I was recently having a conversation with some friends about the Word of God and scripture. And a statement was made to the effect of, “If scripture was given to us to be used as the words of a living God, then it’s contents cannot be controlled by context.”

In other words, if my God was like all the other gods of the world, then whatever it ‘said’ would have to be filtered and processed through the filter of what was going on at the time of ‘speaking’. Because that god would not be relevant to today’s concerns and situations.

However, if my God is a living God; one who cares about today’s concerns and situations, who knows the ins and outs of my heart and will, and best yet, CARES about me, then words that he may have spoken centuries ago will have new life breathed into them when He gives them for the situation at hand.

We have the Scriptures – the law, the history and the words of the prophets and the apostles – so that we have a frame of reference. When God speaks to us, we can know that it is Him that is speaking because he “is the same yesterday, today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8) and we need only to compare today’s commands with yesterday’s commands. Are they in line?

So this gets me excited! It gets me excited because as I conclude this amazing story about what God has been teaching and doing and working in me in the last…two years - Worship - it’s also the preface into the beginning of a new story, a new journey.

I apologize (sorta). I left the story hanging for a few months, I know. But I couldn’t finish it until now. There were words still to be given. Lessons still to be learned. And obedience to be carried out, before this story could be given for you to share in.

Some of you may recall a few blogs back (Part 6), me sharing about my struggles with completing my degree and figuring out what to do about colleges and such. For months after the news, options and considerations for schools in the States and online where given ear. But nothing settled. I had no indication that returning to America was the way to go, but doing classes online wasn’t quite making sense to me either. It’s very difficult when your mind is saying “this is logical, let’s do this” and your heart says “no. wait. This doesn’t make sense.” You can’t always give a reason, but you learn to trust that it’s the Father’s still small voice whispering, “wait”. So you wait.

In November, a fluke message came to my awareness about studying in Germany. My immediate response was, “no, I live in China.” But it began wearing on me. It kept coming back in the most random conversations or situations….”Germany”. By December, I was pretty much convinced that I was moving to Germany. But how? Why? When? Where?

In the last five months, I’ve spent time fasting, praying, sharing with trusted mentors about the decision and gotten surprising and edifying responses from both man and God.

One night, I randomly decided to use one of my journals as a dream journal and I declared it to my roommate (mind you, I don’t generally remember my dreams at all) and was woken up with a reminder to write it down after having a very German dream.

God has spoken through friends who unknowingly confirmed questions that I had submitted to Abba, through messages that were perfectly timed, and through His blessed scripture.

This is by no means an easy obedience. God said go to Germany. Go be a student. Go serve my Body.

But as many of you may know, packing up and moving to a new CONTINENT is not exactly an easy thing. There are so many unknowns that even now, with only two months left in China, are still not completely settled.

But this one thing I do know, unquestionably: that it is the Lords will to take what He has been teaching me and use it in Europe, starting in Germany. Starting this summer. 

I don’t know what will happen once there. I don’t know anything long term. I do know that for the time being my new home will be on another new continent and more to come!

Your prayers for the journey would be wonderfully and graciously appreciated!

I encourage you to listen to our Lord. It’s not always what makes sense right now. But His will is good. When He speaks, however he speaks, listen and obey. There’s no better way to live!

Worship is…Part 7: The Church

In October some time, I joined a small group to study the Church in the Bible, taking a look at not just what did the early church “look like” per se, but also at leadership, instructions, purpose. How big? How come? What about today? What does that mean now? It’s been a wonderful time of fellowship, sharing and learning and I’m so thankful to God for bringing this seemingly unlikely group together.

You see, in the midst of my very obvious call to lead worship that God had/was dealing with me about, there came the question, “what does that mean in the church?” Now, I get that some might think that is a stupid question; that it’s obvious that if a person is called to lead others in worship, that would quite naturally mean that they would be using their gifts on Sunday morning and/or whatever other days of the week that the Body gathers together.

Well that’s not entirely true.

For one, if you remember several blogs back, there is the revelation that “leading worship” is about so much more than simply putting together a song set and getting other people (hopefully other believers) to follow along. It’s about creating, leading, guiding intentionally, those who are seeking an experience with our Heavenly Father so that there is not simply an emotional (or worse, musical) response to a feeling that cannot be explained, expounded or grounded into something more tangible and life changing.
I am not God. I cannot change a person’s life. But I do have the responsibility of leading others into His presence wisely, reverently, lovingly. Sometimes that just comes from song. Sometimes it’s a scripture or a testimony. Sometimes it’s silence. Here's an often misunderstood concept: leading worship is not about musical ability. It’s not about what I want. It’s not about manipulation. It’s about being in touch with Him who I’m preparing to bring others to meet. It’s His residence. Shouldn’t he get a say in how and why we come?

B, I’ve done Sunday morning music leading for many years, in many different capacities, responsibilities, durations and expectations. While my call to lead others in worship is unmistakable in my life, I’ve never felt particularly called to be a “full-time worship leader” in a specific body. It is an avenue that was briefly explored and felt that He has other plans and expectations with me and my calling (had I gone that route, I may not be in China now).

My point is that just because I’ve been called to lead the body of believers into worship encounters with our Creator, does not mean that the answer to my question is a black and white simple one. Evidently, he’s already told me full-time is not the road, so where does that leave me?

            Choo-choo Train (See the Skit Guys Adam And Eve, if you’re confused about my progression), I live in Asia. Being a full-time, called, passionate-about-worshiping-my Abba leader is going to look very different than what is commonly seen in North America. Even if I wanted to, the option of getting a full-time position is not so simple.

So when you’re called to live in a country where ministry looks like the everyday mundane of going to an actual j-o-b and earning a salary to live on; where the Body that is legally allowed to meet together is still controlled in some part by the government, and where most of those gathering are spending their days and nights giving, serving, meeting, and living in such a way that come Sunday, finding volunteers who aren’t burnt out can be a challenge; where there is lots of curiosity and hundreds of different cultures, backgrounds, denominations, beliefs, interpretations, and expectations being brought to the table – what does this call to worship really look like? If the call was easily misconstrued and misunderstood pre-Cn, how much more now in light of all of this.? I mean, I can’t just pick up my guitar and start worshiping my Father and expect all the others to join in can I?

J Maybe I can.

So, this last week’s meeting together of our small group, I felt summed up well, what I’ve learned about worship, about my calling/name, and about the Church:

-       1 Corinthians 12 talks about the gifts of the Spirit, “many members, one body”. We are to recognize that every individual has been gifted by the Spirit and that there is no greater or lesser, just different, so as to accomplish the ultimate goal.

-       1 Corinthians 13 talks about the importance of love. Most of us know this, and some of us might even be aware that it follows the chapter about Spiritual gifts, but how often do we consider that the two are connected? Our love for others should be non-judging, unbiased, not self-seeking but God seeking so that we, together, can accomplish the ultimate goal.

-       1 Corinthians 14 sums up the previous two chapters by exhorting us to seek both love and spiritual gifts, but with this added reminder – The body of Christ is to ALWAYS be encouraging, edifying, empowering and, get this, loving. This, so that no matter who or what, no greater, no lesser, in unconditional, Spirit-filled love, we can accomplish the ultimate goal.

So what is this ultimate goal?

            “So with yoiurselves, since you are eager for manifestations of the Spirit, strive to excel in building up the church.” (emphasis mine) 1 Cor 14:12

            “What then, brothers?  When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for the building up.” (emphasis mine) 1 Cor 14: 26

If the church is the bride of Christ, should we not be seeking to build ourselves up? Should we not be seeking to be all that He has given us to be? For when we do, we the bride, glorify our Husband. And that, is my heart’s desire.

So I still don’t always have an exact answer to my question. It changes sometimes from day to day. I want to build up the church with spiritual gifts that I have been given. But I’m learning to accept that it doesn’t look the same every day.

That is what worshiping the Living God is all about!