Praise through Pain

I wrote a new song a few weeks ago. Well actually, the lyrics got written back in July of last year. However, I felt impressed upon last month to write a specific song - a song to share at the forum I was leading worship for in Thailand - and in the process of working and praying that out, I came across this thing that I'd written. Amazingly enough, the melody came to me almost immediately. In a way, I feel as though the song wrote itself. What's most significant to me though is what it has meant to me personally since it's birth - because leave it to me to not recognize the full weight of my own writing until after the fact. :)

Being the non-attention seeking, super insecure person that I am, sharing my own music with others is still a pretty big deal for me, and yet I knew I had to share this with this wonderful group of people. And began to pray that God would show me how it tied in to everything that had been shared and ministered throughout the week. Prior to that I would have explained the concept of this song as 'worship through any season'. Then God showed me that this isn't just an "any season" worship song, but a song of worship through pain. Much of that week had been spent talking about how God is speaking and working and present no matter what the situation or "season", but especially in the times when it's hardest. And I thought, "Wow! This song is so appropriate God." And then, for some reason (I can't imagine how/why...), I started to listen to it myself and realized that this song was ministering to me in a way that I had not expected or intended. So naturally, if it ministers to me, I have to share it with others.

"In the midst of brokenness" and despair, when life goes on with or without you, we have a choice to either worship the God who is faithful always or give in to the pain and hopelessness. This song is my choice. Coming out of a season of great brokenness, desperation and need, the spirit of this song gives hope and encouragement to one who is seeking goodness and light. (Mind you, it was written prior to that season. God knew.)
I will declare the One who is always faithful.
I will proclaim the grace that He pours out on this undeserving child.
I will tell others of the Love that comforts when all other comforts fail.
I will choose to praise.

There is a light shining no matter how dark it gets.


**Blogger wouldn't let me just upload the Mp3, so you're stuck with a bad video of me. BUT you don't have to watch it. You could just hit play and flip to a different screen to do something else while you listen. =D

God Speaks

I was in the kitchen a few moments ago, getting coffee and thinking through what I wanted to write here when I started singing a Third Day song, 

May Your wonders never cease, may Your Spirit never leave, may we ever long to see Your face. And when we turn from you again, oh how quickly we forget, may we be reminded of Your grace. May Your wonders never cease!

As I'm finishing the last line of this chorus, I look out the window and see this. God is awesome, is He not? :) This picture really doesn't do it justice, I know. To look out over a beautiful blue sky and serenely active ocean, just settled my heart with peace. And you can't see it, but the wind today is simply glorious.
He's in the sunshine. He's in the wind. And the gentle crash of the waves is like hearing Him breathe - the simple comfort of knowing He's here, in it all. :D

What's really cool is how this ties in so beautifully with what I wanted to share. He is just so good!
As you know, my first week in Thailand was spent at a ministry forum where I had the blessed opportunity (again) to lead worship all week. It truly was an amazing and humbling experience that I am so grateful to have had. We also had a speaker come and share, and this is what I wanted to talk about as I'm inclined to think that this is a message that many need to hear. He, John, explained that he was basically going to be giving one long sermon throughout the week, broken up into five days. I'm going to attempt to touch on the highlights in hopefully just a few paragraphs. (Naturally, I pray that the Spirit will speak to you wherever you are as you read this, but try to also keep in mind the kind of broken place I'm coming from as I'm receiving these words.)
The crux of the message was this: Learning how to hear God speaking from a place of rest.

Notice the emphasis? ;)
Starting in the middle and going beyond just the forum, God started early with me in reminding and emphasizing to me that He is an active, living and speaking God. That means presently, right now, in this moment. He is working. It's not just a done thing that was accomplished in the past, nor is He simply a hope to hold onto for the future, but He desires for us to recognize and allow Him to work in our circumstances right now. 
This caused me to step back and consider how this truth impacts my life daily. Do my prayers reflect this? Do my actions? Do my responses allow room for a living God to work or am I working on my own and giving Him the "finished product" of my work to make pretty?
From this point I was brought to the question of, "if God is speaking, why am I having such a hard time hearing Him?" God in His sovereignty had that answer already in the works.
John made a point that I hope and pray I will never forget. And that is that "God is multi-lingual". What he meant was that God does not always speak the same way to us. He uses fire to declare Himself and He whispers in the gentle, intimate moments. Some people hear Him best in nature, others through a good book, or bible study. Some hear Him best in the silence of doing nothing, others having to be active. These are all good and valid. The point though is that we sometimes tend to learn to listen for Him in those specific ways, and miss the other things He would like to say to us. We must learn to be open to hear Him speak how He chooses to speak rather than how we want Him to speak. And this requires greater training and a deeper intimacy with Him....which, go figure, actually comes in the last part: rest.
I learned that rest doesn't mean not being busy. And it doesn't even necessarily mean getting enough sleep. Rest is the point where the soul is quiet and peaceful regardless of what chaos may be ensuing outside of us. “Those who know Him, trust Him. Those who trust Him are more likely to rest, and are more likely to hear what He has to say and obey.” Finding rest comes with spending time with Him and getting to know Him.

So I come home from vacation refreshed and with a renewed hunger to know Him better and to hear Him more clearer. My moment in the kitchen was just a snapshot of the kind of peace and comfort He's been speaking into my heart. There is SO, so, so much more I would love to share, but I'm afraid I don't have the guts to write that much to you all. :) This is long enough as it is, but I pray that you are encouraged as I have been. 
God is speaking to you. Can you hear Him?

I'm in love.

One of the most beautiful things I've come to appreciate about this life I live alongside the I Am is His ability to make you fall more in love with Him in the most unexpected ways. I'd like to take a moment to be transparent with you... 

Over the last few months I have struggled majorly with the feeling/concept of being rejected, being abandoned by someone I love very much - my father. 

"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. Psa 34:17"

This isn't me being "all religious", this is my heart....I called out to Him and He answered me. But He didn't just answer me. He's gone far beyond that. No He's continued to pursue me despite the fact that I like to convince myself that I'm "ok". In His patience He waited 'til I was able to listen, but He has since made two things very clear to me: He loves me enough to pursue healing when I'm too proud to ask for it, and He is the one who has filled my heart with love for my father. 

He has brought me back to a point where I can enjoy the love I have for him despite the fact that he has chosen not to be a part of my life at this point in time. 

I don't know if you're getting this, but this is HUGE for me. It still hurts. I long for my dad to accept me back and I'm certainly praying for restoration between he and I. But the fact that God has been able to show me again a glimpse at His love for His creation by enabling me to feel true, unconditional, and sometimes unrequited love is both humbling and encouraging. 

This vacation has been a blessing in a number of ways, but the greatest thing to happen to me was to fall in love with my father all over again, and in the process fall deeper in love with my Abba. 

Happy [Chinese] New Year!!

So I realized that I never actually acknowledged the new year last month. However, thanks to the wonderful Chinese lunar calendar, I get a second chance. So...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :)

I spent my new year's day either in an airport or on a plane for the most part, but I made a realization somewhere between customs and security this morning...It actually feels like a new year is starting.

The end-of-the-year holidays were a real struggle for me last year, mostly just because it didn't feel like they were really here. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's eve just didn't have the same feel to them that we westerner's work so hard for year after year. And that actually turned out to be a sort of positive because it forced me to really take a look at what it is that we celebrate at those times and why. As usual, when something important has to be done that you don't feel like doing, the end result is that much more satisfying. Likewise, I found myself much more aware of the things I'm thankful for at Thanksgiving; so much more grateful for that little baby in the manger that changed my world (and the rest of the world); and desperately praying for a change of heart in 2013. A little more than a month into that last one and I can honestly say that God is a God that undoubtedly answers prayers. 

He's taught, reminded, broken and stretched me so much in the last five months that I wasn't really sure when I was gonna get through it all or what the end result would look like. Only that I was really scared of failing Him. I don't recall ever feeling that so sincerely ever in my life. 

BUT...

In the last month He has been my Comforter, my Purpose, my Strength, my Joy. He has turned my mourning into dancing and put a peace in my heart that I couldn't have imagined two months ago. 

And so here it is, Chinese New Year and I can feel the hope of a new year coursing through me. 

Fittingly, I'm starting this new year off right - in Thailand, leading worship for a week and taking time to just soak Him up and hear what He would say to me. Better than that, I look forward to time to just sit and be still with Him in His glory - without interruption - and then wonderful times getting lost in a strange land with my roomy and whoever else we manage to pick up. 

For the next two weeks there will be no worries about work. No concerns over school. No drama. No life interruptions. After tonight, I'm disconnecting.  :)

The point that I'm making is that I am hopeful for the new year. I'm praying that the Living God that I serve and love will show me more ways that He's working around me. I'm expectant to see His hands at work in my life and in lives around me. I'm hopeful for the things that are to come. (I don't have a clue what they are but I know that He is in control and that He is good.) And so with that I wish you all a wonderful, happy and blessed new year! Love ya!