The Seen Unseen Blessings

Do Not Be Anxious

22 And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,[b]yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. 30 For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Instead, seek his[c]kingdom, and these things will be added to you.

I just can't seem to get away from this passage/concept lately. It's a good thing though. :) It means that I'm constantly being reminded of Who it is that I rely on for all things, and what my main purpose is to be. This is especially important to me right now as I'm settling into a new life, a new place with new people for a new season. God has been gracious to answer many questions that have been floating around in my heart in recent months in specific ways, but He hasn't answered all of them in detail. To those "unanswered" questions He seems to continue to refer back to this passage of scripture - "remember your calling right now, and trust Me", He says.

This isn't necessarily a new concept for me. My trust in Him has reached new levels of faith, trust and obedience, for sure, but there has been an element of trusting Him to take care of me throughout recent years. The beauty of it all is that the recent years of trusting and seeing Him come through in provision for things that I didn't even know that I needed makes it much easier to trust Him now when I'm literally looking to Him for daily supply.

The thing is, there's this "natural" human tendency in me to constantly look at my life through the lens of the outsider; to make my decisions and prepare any possible defense for though that might condemn or argue that I "don't suffer enough". That's not to say that people wish harm for me, but there seems to be a sense that "living for Christ", especially abroad, especially in missions, means that one must suffer with less: less finances, less material possession, less time for refreshment and relaxing, less..., less..., less....
I hear stories about people who are angry because people on the field are on "extravagant" vacations in some far away country, presumably with money allocated for mission work. And I think about the time that I was offered a [paid] trip to Thailand (from nearby China) and was able to have a true time of refreshment and encouragement in Abba after eight months of burnout. That trip was a blessing to my heart and my soul in so many ways. But for many, all that is known is that I went on vacation to Thailand.
Or how about the "big, modern, extravagant" houses that they live in that are seemingly way more than what's necessary?
Last year, I was blessed to have a home that was extravagant. But it was a gift from God, from the amount of space to the price of rent to ability to use it for the very things that He'd put on my heart to do - to serve and welcome and refresh people in a comfortable home environment.

These are just a few of the things that I've heard over the years about how field workers are misunderstood. I hear them and I think, "but what if that person were able to share their heart about that thing that you're judging? Would it change your perspective at all to hear that God is the one behind the extravagant provision?"

And so here I am, in "extravagant" Germany, living in yet another, very nice house, with wonderful people and a bike to get around on, and I find myself thinking, what would/do people say about my life right now? Do they see God? Do they know that it was God who introduced us to these wonderful people in a way that ONLY He could? Do they think that I'm wasting time when I answer the "what are you doing these days?" question with, "lots of reading, praying and preparing my heart to be sensitive to Holy Spirit during the coming term"?
Then I go to my Abba with all of these questions and he refers me back to the above passage. He reminds me that it's Him who's been taking care of me all of this time, it's He that I'm here to serve and obey, and it's He that will hold me in His "righteous right hand". So I will not be weary, for He is my God (Isa 41:10).

I read a quote by Bonhoeffer recently that said, "The life of discipleship is not the hero-worship we would pay to a good master, but obedience to the Son of God." It's easy for me to wish that everyone could see the way I see; that I could explain and argue and defend myself from the ideas that float around, but then I'm convicted for allowing people to be my Master. I serve only one Master - that is the Lord Jesus Christ.
When I'm tempted to look at things through the worlds perspective, I remember these words and shift my focus back to God. Looking though the worlds perspective is discouraging but I find my heart is filled with hope when I trust in the Father and rest in Him. So that is where I will stay. I will continue to watch Him work and pray that the eyes of the world around me will be opened as well to see the glorious works of His hands.

The Brokenness of Being Abroad

Living abroad is exciting.

You get to see new places. Experience new cultures. Meet wonderful people. And if you’re really lucky, you get to see the amazing works of God all over in the world.

Knowing that this is exactly where God has called me to be right now, I love my life.

I love the adventures.

I love the stories.

I love God.

More and more everyday.

But the truth is that living abroad is hard. Living abroad hurts. And living abroad is far from easy.

When you’re living abroad everything is foreign. EVERYTHING.

From food to housing to culture to transportation to language, everything is different. Even in cultures that might be similar to your home culture, it’s still different enough to remind you at the end of the day that this is not where you came from.

When you’re living abroad people are far away.

The sad fact is that living abroad means leaving behind lifelong friends and the closest of family members. The people who [you] promised to write every week; [you] don’t. The people you used to talk to every day suddenly seem to have disappeared at times. You miss out on life events that you never would have dreamed of missing – ie. Weddings, pregnancies, babies, graduations, family reunions, birthdays, the list goes on. The big stuff, the small stuff, it all becomes even more significant when you’re in another country.
Sure, you meet great people while living abroad. God provides amazing community and you find that you’ve all managed to create your own weird little family culture that somehow (divinely) works. But even then, the reality is that as expats living abroad, people are transient. They come. They go. And you learn that goodbyes are never far away.

When you’re living abroad nothing is as easy as it would be at home.

Whether you’re dealing with visas and banks or just navigating the processes of a new culture, it’s common to briefly think, “at home I would have just _______ and then ______.” But you’re not at home. And even the easiest of days can be an incredible expenditure of emotional energy that leaves you exhausted when you hit the bed.

The reality is that when God calls us to leave the comfort of home to go “to the land that I will show you”, it’s far from easy. It’s not always fun. And those back home rarely get to witness the tears and brokenness that is experienced from the other side of an ocean or border.

The stress of not knowing what the next step is going to be, or how this need is going to be met can be overwhelming.

The pain of feeling misunderstood by those you most want to run to for comfort is difficult to be put into words.

The brokenness of knowing that your absence is a source of hurt in the lives of those you care about is heart-wrenching.

Those of us who have been called away from home, security, friends and familiar may happily walk away seemingly oblivious to what we’re walking away from. We’re not.

If we fail to maintain regular contact, we ask for grace as we extend the same grace to you.

When you see all the Facebook photos of all the fun and wonderful things that we’re getting to experience, remember that there are hours and days of pain and stress and fighting that aren’t being broadcast to the world. We’re human too.

And when we ask for help – of whatever kind that may be – please don’t assume that we’re actually talking to someone else, or that someone else will fill the need. Because the reality is, it’s really easy to feel alone when your closest loved ones are 7,774 miles away. No matter where you are or who’s with you.

An Altar of Praise

A week ago Jo and I walked into a church feeling pretty beat down and hopeless. 

We were desperate.

Desperate for a word from God.

Desperate to make a friend.

Desperate to keep our heads above water to keep from sinking.

We needed to find a place to live. We needed to find a job. We needed a community to surround and support us. We needed to see God walking before us.

So we went to a church (that she and I had each stumbled across separately and wanted to visit) and got there 30 minutes early.

30 minutes of silence.

No welcomes.

No connections.

Just watching as everyone else came in and began sharing with each other.

Then…just as service was about to start, a lady came and sat next to us. She was kind and introduced her self and we got to talk for a moment. And then the service began.

And God reminded me that when all else is lost I can, and WILL, praise His name.

He reminded me of every promise He gave me in Xiamen, and I reclaimed them again.

My Daddy reminded me that he’s “never failed, and [He] won’t start now.”
And at the end of it all, I was reminded that Yahweh is worthy of ALL the glory and ALL the honor and ALL the praise in EVERYTHING.

God is good… all the time. And all the time God is good.

So then after the service is over, the lady next to us starts asking us questions about why we’re here and what we need. Before we knew it she was introducing us to people who could possibly help us out and had given us her contact information so that we could get together again later in the week.
We walked out of church feeling full and blessed and walking on water again, knowing that our God was still walking with us.

On Monday I received an email reply from a local student ministry leader that I’d contacted the previous week. He (and his wife) very warmly and graciously welcomed us to Germany and invited us to dinner at their home Friday night. (Did I mention that they were in the middle of packing up their home and moving to a new location?) We also heard of a bike (plus necessary accessories) that was available in our price range. (A bike is a necessary and practical form of transportation here in Freiburg.)

On Tuesday, we received word from our friend we’d met on Sunday that if we weren’t able to find a place to live before our time at our current location was up, that she and her housemates would be happy to welcome us for a few weeks as we continued figuring things out.

On Wednesday we were able to purchase the bike, with no issues and mostly brand new or mostly new accessories. We were also able to attend the church’s midweek service (which is in German) and made another friend.

Thursday, Jo and I decided to make use of our new bike (and a borrowed one from our current host) and visit a nearby lake for a swim and some sun-time. We then got to meet up with our Sunday church friend for some exploring the town and just getting to know more about each other. It was a great time of blessing and encouragement.

On Friday, we went to dinner at this couple’s house and discovered that this meeting was by no means coincidental. It just so happens that the house that they’re moving to, has a shared apartment attached to it (cuz shared living is the thing to do here in Germany) that happened to be in need of some tenants. Three bedrooms to be exact. And the rent is better than we could imagine. After several hours of conversation about all sorts of things – life, passions, intentions, God-stories – there was just an overwhelming sense of God’s divine purpose in this meeting. We even left with clothes and house things that we’d been praying about.

Saturday we went back to the lake (which after two record hot 100 degree days, was significantly warmer than it was on Thursday), and then went to look at the potential apartment. Once again, we see God answering specific prayers. Tomorrow (Sunday), we’ll give them our [yes] answer.

People said we probably couldn’t find housing in a week – but God can.

People said that a place with two rooms for both Jo and I would be hard to find – but God found it.

People said that community is what you make of what you have – God has provided a community to surround us in support and encouragement.

You can’t buy new jackets and shoes with money you don’t have – but God can provide them.

You can’t buy a bike without funds – but God can provide the [exact] means to do so.

To all of you who have questioned and wondered at the logic of moving somewhere without a plan and “blaming” God, I say, My God will not fail.

To all who think that we’re crazy, I say, I’m crazy about my Jesus, and that’s who I follow.

And to all of you who have supported this transition through prayer, encouragement and financial giving, I say, God bless you for your faithfulness to the work that He is doing and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I realize that some of you might fit more than one of those categories up there =], and that’s ok. I am well aware that this move was not practical, but I am convinced it was right. I’m fully aware that it’s crazy, but I know that I serve a BIG, crazy God. And I know that asking for financial support after the fact looks like poor planning, but my only defense is God. I would/will not wait to obey on the basis of financial means and support. My God will supply all of [my] needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19). (He may just use you. :})

I serve an AWESOME God!!!

Without Borders

Well we made it Germany.

When the plane began it’s decent into Frankfurt airport, I broke down into tears. The reality and the gravity of what we had embarked on was finally settling in, and I was scared. I wasn’t just scared, I was feeling highly insecure and completely overwhelmed. A lot of prayers and some verbal processing helped to relieve some of that. I’m so thankful to have such a dear friend with me on this journey. It could be miserable walking this road alone.

So, we made it to Germany.

And as beautiful as it is here and as wonderful as it seems to call this home, things have not exactly gone the way that we’d hoped they would upon arrival.

The school that I had been expecting to enroll in for the winter semester did not, in fact, accept me; for reasons that were completely unexpected and cannot currently be corrected. This means that to pursue any kind of study will cost more money and that was not in the budget upon arrival. Naturally, this leads one to question.

So I went to God and I questioned:

            “Why did I not get accepted?”
            “What I am I supposed to do now?”

And the big one…

            “Was coming here a mistake?”

But through the confusion, I maintained a sense of peace and assurance that God was still God and He was still leading.

We got to spend a few days visiting a friend in the Czech Republic where I was encouraged by Sisters, as well as confirmed by the Spirit by a burden for the Church in Europe. There was conversation and rumination about the Body as whole – what is the role, how does it look, what does it mean for people like me who often feel wholly disconnected from it?

Answers are still in the process.

What I have been getting from Daddy are daily reminders of what faith looks like and what faith does.

Starting in Matthew 8:5-13 with the story of the Centurion’s faith. Jesus himself, was amazed at the Centurion’s faith in Jesus’ ability to heal. That man had nothing to hold to think that Jesus would fulfill his request, no promise to cling to, no rule or qualification to redeem him. He had only the assurance of Jesus’ reputation and character; and the belief that Jesus could do the miracle that was being asked of him. He had faith. And that faith commended him to Jesus. That faith gained him the results that he sought – his servant’s healing.

 This same story is told in Luke 7. And it is followed by the story of Jesus raising the widow’s dead son. She didn’t ask, but Jesus’ compassion for a broken heart moved him to act. Luke 7 concludes with the story of the woman who washes Jesus’ feet with tears. After a conversation with Simon the Pharisee about a hearts response to forgiveness and redemption, Jesus’ response to the woman states simply, “your faith has saved you…” (emphasis mine). She hadn’t asked him for anything. He didn’t make any conditional promises. She believed in who Jesus said that he was and the loving character that he conveyed. And that alone saved her.

Going back to Matthew 8 in verse 18 (and Mark 4: 34-41, Luke 8:22-25) is the story of Jesus asleep on the boat during a storm. The disciples are terrified and, after waking Jesus in terror, are rebuked for their lack of faith. Imagine being one of Jesus’ disciples and watching him heal the lame and bring the dead back to life and redeem the unredeemable and then being rebuked for not believing that His presence on the boat would be enough to keep them safe.

The stories go on.

The man in the tombs delivered from the Legion of demons, who responds with submission and devotion to Jesus (Matt 8:28-34, Mark 5: 1-20, Luke 8: 27-39).

Jairus who came to Jesus and says, “My daughter has just died, but come and lay your hands on her and she will live.” His faith saved his daughter’s life (Matt 9:18-26, Mark 5: 22-43, Luke 8: 41- 56).

The woman with the issue of blood who was determined that simply touching Jesus’ robe would heal her, and it did! (Matt 9: 20-22, Mark 5: 25-34, Luke 8: 43-48) (This happened for many others who believed as well.)

The two blind men following Jesus and crying out to him for healing were healed “according to [their] faith” (Matt 9: 27-31).

Peter walked on water because he believed that Jesus would enable him to do so. Granted, his faith wavered and he began to sink, but his faith allowed him to take his first steps on the waves (Matthew 14:22-33).

The twelve apostles were sent out to perform miracles and healings (Matt 10: 5-15, Mark 6: 7-13, Luke 9: 1-6), not of their own power, but in the power of their faith in Jesus.  

There are so many more stories that I couldn’t begin to recount them all here (nor do I think you’d want to sit and read them all here), but there’s a lesson I’m being taught and reminded of again and again:

When we step out of our comfort zone, have faith not just that God can act, but that he has the compassion and desire to want to act.

It’s not too much for us to go to God with a big request, with nothing but a little mustard seed’s faith and a trust in WHO HE SAYS HE IS.

My move to Germany was the biggest act of faith I’ve ever taken. I’ve repeatedly gone to God and reminded him of the promises that He gave to me, and declared once again my trust in him. But what I love most about this amazing God that I serve, is His graciousness. I feel his smile as he watches me walk this unknown road like a child constantly checking to see if my Daddy is still there. He’ll never leave me or forsake me (Heb 13:5). That’s a promise I can bank on. He loves me. And He is not a man, that He should lie (Num 23:19).

Don’t be afraid to trust God for who he is.

I'm walking on water.

I'm in Korea

I'm currently sitting in a cafe at Incheon International Airport, waiting for our one o'clock flight to Frankfurt. Today's been good so far. It's been restful and easy-going.
That's not to say that yesterday wasn't those things. :)

Actually, yesterday was a wonderful blessing in many ways. Despite the LONGEST check-in line ever and a delay in taking off from Xiamen Airport (not at all a surprise), we were thrilled to witness blessing after blessing come throughout the trip. From cheaper luggage prices, to refunded money (still not clear on how that happened), to an easy meeting with a friend who was able to lead us directly to our hotel, to another discount, to a dinner at Taco Bell (scoff if you'd like but it's been over two years, and the last few months have been especially difficult), to a soft bed to spend the night on.
Even though I was fighting some head pain and nausea - which was probably more anxiety than any bug or ailment - I found myself smiling and thanking Jesus for the many blessings and the assurance that he is with us through this journey; from the beginning.
This morning, I had a moment to pause and enjoy. I thought about the many goodbyes that have been said in the last few weeks. Thought about the many who have joined with us in prayer for this next journey. Thought about how many promises have been given for this next season. Thought about the wonderful fact that we didn't have to rush to get to the airport this morning. :)
This morning I got a Dunkin Donuts coffee and I had a Taco Bell burrito for brunch. (Stop judging!!!)
I'm satisfied. No. I'm beyond satisfied.
I'm blessed. Beyond measure.
And I believe that this is just the beginning of what's to come.
Saying yes to this adventure meant a whole new dependance on Daddy. A whole new level of faith that I haven't known before. A whole new experience.

Someone asked me recently if I was glad to be leaving China. My answer: "I've been happy in China for four years because I know that this is where God wanted me those years. I'm happy to leave China now because I know that it's what God has told me to do."
I'm excited to be moving to Germany. I really am. Never did I ever think that this would be my life. But I'm thankful that it is. I think about the stories that I'm collecting and the experiences that I'm sharing and the lives that I'm witnessing, and I think, "wow! THIS is my life."
But the thing that has always gotten me the most excited is knowing that I'm right where God wants me  to be. So whether I'm in China or Seoul or Freiburg or somewhere in Africa or Australia or the United States, it really makes no difference to me. God loves all of those people. And if that's where he's sending me, it probably for a reason worth witnessing. I want to be there.
I'm thankful for this life, despite the "sacrifices" it's cost me. It's not always easy. It's certainly not convenient. And while perhaps a little glamorous at times, there are real tears, fears and brokenness that happens regularly.
Be excited with me. But please don't forget to pray. And obey! You never know what God will do with one who is willing to obey. Love you all!

Here We Go!!

What I want you to know without a doubt from this blog is that this move to Germany is nothing short of a step of obedience to my Master.

In the midst of all the glamour and glitz that comes with the statement “I’m moving to Europe”…

despite

my worldly desires to complete a degree program….

and even (for some) my seeming inability to stay in one place for more than a few years at a time,

this move is not about restlessness, it’s not about practicality, it’s not about experience.

It’s about God.

In the beginning of this process, I wondered what the point of such a move really was. I suspected that if I were to go to Germany to study that I would have a great opportunity to witness to other college students and work with student ministries within the local body.

But then…one evening I was informed, by a friend, of a conference that is happening in Germany the week before we are due to arrive. At the time however we were unsure of the dates, and hoping that we might actually be able to attend. So I jumped online and looked up the Awakening conference. I began talking to God about how wonderful it would be to get to be a part of it when I felt the Spirit speaking quietly, “you will be there for follow up.”

“OH! Ok…” I said.

The next day was our weekly prayer meeting with a few friends and after quite a bit of time of the Spirit stirring my spirit about His desires to be seen in Europe, Jo and I received a word that was based out of Haggai 2: 1, 3- 9:

“In the seventh month, on the twenty-first day of the month, the word of the Lord came by the hand of Haggai the prophet,….Who is left among you who saw this house in its former glory? How do you see it now? Is it not as nothing in your eyes? Yet now be strong, O Zerubbabel, declares the Lord. Be strong, O Joshua…the High Priest. Be strong, all of you people of the land, declares the Lord. Work, for I am with you, declares the Lord of hosts, according to the covenant that I made with you when you came out of Egypt. My Spirit remains in your midst. Fear not. For thus says the Lord of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the Lord of hosts. The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, declares the Lord of hosts. The latter glory of this house shall be greater than the former, says the Lord of hosts. And in this place I will give peace, declares the Lord of hosts.”

Here’s what this said to us:

Firstly, “In the seventh month on the twenty-first day…” At the time of this passages first reading, our expected departure date was July 20, which would put our arrival date in Germany on the 21^st. As it is, we will actually be leaving China on the 21^st of July. Either way, the date was enough to catch our attention and recognize that God was about to speak to us.

“Who of you is left…?” For those of you who are not aware, this year is the 70^th anniversary of WWII and the Nuremburg trials. And there was a recent reminder/awareness of this as we heard this passage. Since WWII, there has not been another significant “kingdom” to redeem or bring any kind of glory to Germany, or even Europe really. The world has desperately been seeking a kingdom that would fulfill and prosper the people, and that has yet to happen. The more we strive, the further we seem to get. But He is not letting us go

The call to “be strong” in the face of seeming hopelessness is spoken to the current governor, again to the High Priest, and then again to the people as a whole. As if to say, “this is not just a word of solace for little people, but I want every one of you to know – from the bottom to the top – that you need only to remain strong in your faith, for I have not forgotten the promise that I made to you.”

So WORK!

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever your role, work out your faith. Put it in action. Let it be more than just words.

Beyond all this, I’m sensing an overarching message of hope that is being communicated through ALL lands. Catch that? ALL

No matter what country you’re currently living in or claim as “home”, there is an undeniable awareness to God’s movement.

God is shaking nations.

In China. In America In Africa In Australia. Even in Europe.

To the ends of the world, He is at work. And we should be too.

There is an awakening that is happening and we would be wise to pay attention. You have a part to play in all of this as well.

Over the last months I’ve heard a lot of negativity about the spiritual darkness that is prevalent in Europe. I’ve even heard some profess that the only way God will be made known there again is if it is done in the miraculous, because the intellectual argument just wont work there. But I challenge you with this.

It is only by the supernatural, miraculous work of the Spirit in our hearts that any of us ever come to a saving knowledge of Christ. No matter who or where you are. And in Europe, who would know better how to make God known, than God himself?? J He knows. And he’s already begun that miraculous work.

For some reason He’s felt inclined to invite me alongside Him in this miraculous work. And I feel completely inadequate. This scripture in Haggai is not the only word that I’ve received about this move to confirm that God is on the move and taking me with Him to Europe.

For me there have been prophetic words, other scriptures, messages, and quiet stirrings to continue moving me forward.

What has he invited you to be a part of where you are?

This transition, as exciting as it is, is not going to be a cake walk. I would love your prayers and support. As nothing Good comes easy, I’ve already seen opposition come against us.

Upon arrival, I will need to go to the school with my documents, and hopefully find a job and a place to live pretty quickly. I will have an interview with the school in August before I find out if they see fit to accept me. (I’m trusting that since God said go, he’ll take care of the acceptance as well.) Beyond that, my prayer is that I will be submitted and receptive to the Spirit’s leading. I’m asking for practical provision as well as spiritual courageousness. The next few years are going to be all new for me in many, many ways.