I've Been Missing

The last four weeks of my life have been intense, emotional, thought-provoking, straining. They have been challenging. They have been trying. And they have been painful. I've shut down. I've lashed out. I've lied. I've cried. I've had painful, humiliating talks and some "coincidental" convos that remind me of the truth. But most important is that I've always come out on top.
My goal is to try and share some of what I've been learning as I process through it all. But for my own sanity as much as yours, it will be done in several blogs - not just one. This is just an intro.

To begin with, I'll try to give you an idea of where my head is at. I've been taking two online courses - apologetics and theology. As if those classes wouldn't get my brain turning enough, I happened to start a book by John Piper called Desiring God AND a book with my roommates called Girls Gone Wise (sounds cheesy, but tis actually a great read) right around the same time. There have also been a few wonderfully timed sermons placed in there as well. Needless to say, my brain has been working hard trying to get ideas formed just from reading material alone. 
On top of all of that, there's life. Spending an afternoon going to Taiwan to get a dear friend. Concerns about family and frustrations about not getting a hold of people. Weather cooling down. Readjusting to working at a new campus location only to be told we have to move again. Selfishness. Dissatisfaction with my current wardrobe. New songs in the process. Accepting changes in personal goals and desires, as well acknowledging a reality that is slightly terrifying to me. I know I'm being vague, but you'll have to be patient with me. Details will come in time. Or they won't. 

Here's what I can tell you right now: that everything around me feels to be spinning at a stomach-turning pace and I've given in to the temptation of letting my emotions take the lead more than once in the last few weeks. But when I get my bearings back I'm reminded that the God that I gave my life to is the same God that said He would finish what He started in me. I'm reminded how amazing a grace it really is that a holy and just God would make a way for my sinful, soiled heart to be presented as not just an acceptable offering, but as righteous. There's a song by Sanctus Real that has so wonderfully expressed this sentiment for me.

Empty moments when I feel hopeless have left me restless inside. Doubt and sadness have kept me in fragments longing for a better life.... When I feel the current pullin' me down, can't keep the world from turning around, I keep on turning to You...'Cause You're the hope of a new sunrise, breaking over a desperate life and I keep turning to You. I keep turning to You. -- The Way The World Turns

 As I said, I'm in the process of organizing these thoughts better, but here's your warning now. There is more to come. :) Prayers are always appreciated. AND just cause I haven't been sending out emails does not mean I don't want to hear about what going on on the other side of the world. Email me and let me know you're still alive! 

'Til next time....