It's Not Fair

I'm still crippled. I'm still sitting around with not much to do. 
That's a lie. I have tons to do. What's good is that most of it doesn't involve my foot - unless it's getting books and computers from one room to another...or going to work (meh). 
But in my downtime, I've had a lot of time to sit and think and listen (ok, talk) to God. 
Truthfully, my attitude has really stunk the last several weeks. I know it. I'm not proud of it. But this whole, let-others-do-for-you-so-you-can-get-better-thing has really pushed me hard. And I've found myself doing a lot of thinking about fairness. Because in my mind, it's not fair that I can no longer help clean up after dinner and do the dishes. It's not fair that I get yelled at by the people around me when I try to get up and do something on my own. It's not fair that I get angry with people who pay no attention to the fact that I'm on crutches and can only do so much with no available hands and one semi-good foot. It's not fair that when someone needs something, I can't just get up and get it for them. It's not fair that other people's schedules have had to readjust to my crippledness. It's not fair.
And as I've been whining about all of this to God, I started wondering what scripture says about fairness, and to that end...is fairness even a biblical concept?? Or is that another one of our western, "democratic" ideas that we assume is for the best of everyone?

The first scripture to pop into my head was the Golden Rule - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Or if you want it in biblical terms, "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). Logically, this makes sense, right? In kindergarten terms, it translates into "don't hit if you don't want to get hit", "be nice to the teacher if you want the teacher to be nice to you", "help a friend who's in need", etc. In adult terms I translate this as, "I do my best not to let my life overflow into yours in an inconvenient way, and you do the same" and "if I do something nice for you, you'll return the favor at a convenient time." But when asked "who is my neighbor?", Jesus responded with the story of the Good Samaritan - a man who went out of his way, with no necessity to help out one in need (who was NOT his friend)....
Naturally, my spirit kept prodding....Because then I thought, "What a great idea to do a quick study on what the bible says about fairness!"
I won't take you through the WHOLE thought process, but here's a quick look at some of the highlights I found:
James 2:1-5 (which we just discussed in study group about a month ago!) - My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him?
Ecc 9:11 - Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.
Prov 16:11 - A just balance and scales are the Lords, all the weights in the bag are his work.
Matt 20:16 - "So the last shall be first and the first shall be last"...coming at the end of the story about the laborers who all agreed to work for a denarius.
Gal 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
and finally,
John 3:16,17  - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

I've been doing a lot of complaining because I'm the cripple and it's not fair that I should be unable to take care of myself. But through a brief run through the scriptures here's the truth that I've come to in a new light:
      
Life is not fair.

Whether I'm the poor one or the rich one, the healthy one or the sick one, the right gender, color, height, weight, educated or not, we will ALL one day be judged by the righteousness and justice of God. And THAT is the only standard that will matter in the end. He is good and just in all things, but He showed mercy when we had no hope of redeeming ourselves because of His love for us. He asks us to do the same.
He doesn't ask us to be fair for the sake of equality; He doesn't ask us to act justly for the sake of legalism; and He doesn't ask us to live righteously so that we can be better than the lost who have not experienced His grace. All of those things allow us to judge "fairly" based on ourselves.
He asks us to love others so that the world "will know we are His by our love one for another" (John 13:35) - this said after Jesus washed the disciple's feet. 
It takes as much humility to graciously receive love as it does to give unearned, unfelt, unsolicited love. It's not fair.

Thank God it's not fair!!

Thank you and more

Your prayers have been felt and appreciated. From the depths of my heart, "THANK YOU" to all of you who have been praying for healing for me.
My foot is still out of commission and I'm still hobbling around on crutches. But I was able to get some time off of work last week so as to help speed up the recovery process a bit. I go back tomorrow morning, and we'll see how well I can stay off of it.
Attitude-wise, I'm overall doing much better than I was when I wrote to you all last week. However, I've still had my moments of discouragement. Especially over the last couple of nights. I had a bit of a realization last night. I as I was trying to communicate to my roommate how absolutely horrible I felt about this whole situation, it dawned on me that throughout the week I was hopeful that I'd be able to go back to work this Monday with a healed foot and life would be normal again. Instead, as the weekend came and passed, my foot decided to play games with me - it pretends like it's fine and then I try to walk [lightly] on it and it starts shooting severe shots of pain through my leg for the rest of the day. What I realized is that my unmet expectations have horribly dampened my attitude. 
I told my roommate last night that I've been praying for healing without a timetable because I dare not give Him a deadline, but apparently that's exactly what I did. And now that the deadline has passed and complete healing has not happened my mind has switched over to worse-case scenarios that say I'm going to be stuck on crutches for a while. 

I don't know what's going to happen with my foot. It may be a while before I'm able to walk normal again. Then again, maybe it'll just be a few more days. What I do know is that God is still at work around me even now, and even in this condition I have been positioned to hear His voice and respond. If necessary, He'll use this to further His plan and it will still be considered good. 

To those of you who are still keeping me in prayer, thank you. I'd like to ask that you pray for my ability to hear His voice in all of this. As well as for energy and strength to get around as I go back to work, and wisdom to make good choices. And of course, I'd like to walk again. :)
I feel the prayers covering. Thank you all!

Prayers for the Incapacitated

So, I apparently have this thing called Plantar Fasciitis. You can look it up and figure out all the details on your own, but the gist of what this means to me is that I'm not allowed to walk on my foot until it stops hurting again.
Can I just say that I've had my fair share of illnesses, this I know, and I've learned that I am a pretty pathetic patient. But I've also learned that I mostly just want everyone to feel sorry for me and know how miserable I feel, I don't actually expect people to do anything for me. So here I am stuck in bed or condemned to crutches and I'm forced to let others do for me what I should be perfectly capable of doing for myself. To make matters worse, there's the whisper of a lie in the back of my mind that says "this situation is [my own] fault... should have done something about it two weeks ago when the pain first started." The reality is, I'm not sure that anything would have come of it weeks ago. The pain just climaxed at the end last week and when I went to the doctor, he told me there was nothing wrong (see why I don't go!!).  Needless to say, I've been struggling at learning some new lessons on pride and humility, as well as patience. 

I believe that there is certainly another player at work in this however. I've been leading music for our fellowship here for the last two weeks and have spent lots of time in prayer over what God would want to do in these services. Last week in particular, I sensed God was setting me up for something powerful. First of all, I wasn't even supposed to be leading that week originally. A few weeks back I felt God laying it on my heart to lead music for the next testimony service AND THEN the schedule got changed. (And I hadn't even put these two things together until after the change was made and accepted.) To keep a longish story short, songs, testimonies, scriptures and teams were all coming together seemingly with little to no effort on my part, and as the week drew near my excitement grew for what God wanted to do. But when Sunday morning came, I couldn't walk. Mind you I'm expected to be standing when I lead. 
Can I walk you through my week last week?
Mon-Tues: in bed sick
Wed-Thurs: still sick but back at work; also dealing with a sore foot that I can't walk on. Visit the emergency room Thurs only to be told "all is well".
Fri: I felt wonderful
Sat: I couldn't walk. Spent the afternoon running around on crutches and doing random errands to continue on with life as usual.

Sunday morning I made my way into church on my crutches looking and feeling ridiculously pathetic and walked up to a team whose faces all conveyed the pity I wanted so desperately to avoid and chose to focus on the joy of what the morning held before us. We prayed over the service and each other and the week and were about to get started with practice when one of the team members asks for us all to join together in prayer against the enemy that would use my foot as a deterrent to keep me from being there and following through on what God would do through me and the team. It was then that it hit me how horrible my week really had been. But I was so filled with excitement for congregational worship Sunday morning that none of the attacks seemed to be hitting the mark. That just fanned the flame already burning in me.

Now, I'm feeling a bit like Elijah after Mt Carmel. My foot feels worse, if not the same as it did on Sat (which was the worst). My upper body is bruised and abused from the crutches. My one supporting good leg is threatening to revolt. I'm just overall exhausted from the effort it takes to do anything and to top it all off, I twisted my wrist this morning walking the dog, making walking on crutches that much more painful. 
I won't go so far as to say "I'm the only one...", I know that's not true. But I keep looking back to Sunday and trying to grasp a hold of the hope and joy that I had seemingly so long ago.
I am feeling attacked and I'm fighting off discouragement. But I'm laying down my pride here long enough to ask those of you reading this to please be in prayer for my mind, spirit and body. I know this will end and things will get better again. I also know that my God answers prayers and I would really appreciate you all joining my roommates and I in this. Thanks

My Heart Tonight

Brokenness.

Humility.

Surrender.

When all of life falls apart, when everything that you’ve valued, loved and created falls away, what do you have left?

What do you stand on?

When the ones that you love can no longer love you the same, where does your value lie?

To you who messed up, made too many wrong choices, hurt too many people too many times – don’t give up.

To you who know that you didn't deserve all of those chances and you don’t deserve another chance – don’t sabotage yourself, take it.

To you who feel hopeless without a place to call home – don’t lose hope.

To you who struggle to find purpose and meaning, you who think that you amount to nothing because you’re not somebody’s everything – you’re wrong.

To Him, you are everything.  You are worth every blood drop, every scrape, every bruise, every insult, and every wound. To Him, you are worth holding close, you are worth calling, you are worth loving.

There are too many people in my life that I see fighting the lies that this world throws at us everyday. The problem is that they fight the lies with lies and after a while they can’t figure out if they’re up or down and truth feels like a fantasy.
I know peace. I know security. I know hope.

I also know how loudly the lies can shout. It’s not easy. I won’t pretend otherwise. But it’s worth it. 

I want you to know it too.

Surrender to the One who created all things, who holds the world in His hands, who gave us the gift of choice and wrote His law upon our hearts, is not captivity. It is not restriction. It is freedom. Freedom from striving, from proving, from fighting, from earning, from failing. Freedom from the forced fallings of the world around us.

To those of you suffering, for whatever reasons, know that YOU ARE LOVED.

Don’t give up.

Don’t lose hope.

Don’t listen to the lies.

Look up.

Thank you for worshiping

Someone thanked me for worshipping God last Sunday night.

It wasn’t just a “thanks for coming and worshipping with us”, it was an “I really appreciate your genuine and open heart during worship”. I don’t repeat this as a point of pride to flaunt around. But the moment has stuck with me for the last two days and this is why – because what someone else was thanking me for was actually a battle of the flesh versus the spirit. And as I was discussing this with a friend later that evening, it dawned on me how much of a testimony that is.

Leading people into God’s presence through music and singing and reflection is something that I feel I have been specifically called to for many years now. It is a position that I very much enjoy. It has also come to my attention that it is also a position that I can too easily take too lightly. It is no light thing to stand in the gap and draw people into His presence. It requires diligence and discipline on my part; a heart for God, an awareness of His people and a desire for the two to connect.

God’s been reminding me of this over the last week.

And not at all too soon, you see, because starting this month, my role as a worship leader is about to become much more demanding and all-the-more front-lined.

So Sunday night God put me back in my place. He reminded me of the importance of worship, drew out the foundations of worship, and then spelled out for me the purpose of my calling to lead others in worship. I spent the evening pressing in for forgiveness, begging for a glimpse of real worship, and at the end of the service I got a “thank you”.

Worship is real life. It’s not the music. It’s not a feel good moment. It’s not a two-hour service or even the presence of other like-minded souls gathering together. Worship draws us closer to that which we were created for and can be incredibly fulfilling – as it should be – but it’s not always easy, nor is it always fun. I was fighting. I was fighting laziness, busyness, complacency and even tradition. Someone else saw an individual with a heart that so desired God that they were willing to forego the awkwardness of new surroundings and unfamiliar people and dig in for the purpose of experiencing God right now. That is worship.

Super Storms and Knowledge

Yesterday we took Mango to the beach. Typhoon Usagi was making waves and destroying the boardwalk impressively, and the Floridian in me wanted to go see. I found myself missing home. The waves, while huge in comparison to what we're used to here in China, were about normal for a wavey day in S. Fl and I was reminded of the many nights I would sit and listen to them beat upon the shore while I just reflected on whatever the my recent circumstance was. These days my most current circumstances consist of working ALL DAY (after years of part time work even a full day with a 2 1/2 lunch is long, haha), school in the evenings, random dinner dates, study groups, outreaches, swimming, and soon I'll be adding leading worship every other week at the international fellowship to that list. 
I'm not complaining mind you. Not at all. With the exception of working all day, I've volunteered for all of these wonderfully fulfilling time-sucking endeavors. At the end of the day, I'm completely exhausted but feeling productive - and that feels good. At the same time, taking a break for random Chinese holiday's feels pretty good as well - especially when the most powerful storm of the year decides to come pay a visit to your coast at the end of it. 

Life is good. 
Work is fun. Home is refreshing. Friends are a blessing. Family is no longer weighing on me. Ministry is in action. And I KNOW that God is at work. Right now. He is at work. And I am at complete peace knowing that I don't have to have all of the answers to what comes next, because I know right now.

I know that the blood of Jesus Christ has redeemed me and that I am bought with a price. That means that I am valuable to God and tells me that He cares about the little things that weigh on my heart enough to take care of them according to His best (which I've learned is a LOT better than mine.)
I know that He is working all things for good because I love Him and have been called according to His purpose. That means the scary things (dad's big day tomorrow) and heart-wrenching moments (the pain of a loved one's choices) are still being used for good in my life. If for no other reason than to reveal more of Himself to me, that would be enough.
I know that Jesus is the head and that we are the body and that we all work together to bring this world into the knowledge of God's glory and love. That means that at every moment I am being the church, and I want to be a light that shines on Him brightly.

I've been reminded in the last week that being the church is much more important the doing church. All the things that fill up my schedule these days are great, but they don't mean a thing if I'm not tuned in to Him. I don't want to just 'do'. Super storm Usagi has reminded me that life is rough, it's unpredictable, and even when it looks like it's going to be bad, it's not always what it seems. I've seen beauty and strength and I'm reminded once again that God is holding it/us all in His hands. I'm safe. I'm secure. I'm His. 

God loves me! God loves me!

It's been a looong, drawn out week. Because of my own stupidity and procrastination skills, this week was filled with little sleep, bits of irritation and in the midst of that, wonderful blessings of needed reminders.

The first one came from this goofball here. He's one of my newer students that just recently started but he loves to be loved and is just a great joy to have in class. Some of the conversations that he and I have are quite humorous to me (as most convos in my class are..). This is the kid that when I tell the class to clean up, he walks around with an armful of toys and tells me the name of every OTHER student who isn't cleaning up. He also has a tendency to "creep" around me. He'll come just close enough to be outside my reach and often won't say anything to me, he'll just watch and wait for me to acknowledge him.
So on Thursday, I noticed him "creeping" and I called him over to me. He comes over and just falls into my lap in a half hug, and I tell him that I love him. He speaks decent English but is still limited in how much he really understands, so he just kind of looks at me blankly. So I ask him, if he knows that I love him and he answers, "huh?" So in Chinese, I ask him the same question again and his face lights up with a big smile and in Chinese he answers back, "I love you!" Then he runs off to go play with a giant smile on his face. The best part of this was that a few minutes later I overheard him telling some of the other kids "I love you" in Chinese with a big smile. I'm not sure that any of them actually responded to him at all, but it didn't damper his enthusiasm at all. It put a smile on my face.

The other moment came on Friday with this beautiful joy. I had her in my class last year and we formed quite a bond. She too, LOVES to cuddle and just love and be loved. I walked into her classroom Friday to get some materials and she ran up to give me a hug, which is normal. So I picked her up and started hugging and kissing her and telling her how much I loved her and she just melted in laughter and happiness. Then I moved on to get my stuff. As I turned to walk back out, I see her skipping around the room in pure joy saying, "Raychel loves me! Raychel loves me!" and my heart melted. I really do.

Last weekend I heard a message that reminded me that God loves me. 
What a concept....GOD. LOVES. ME. 
And I was struck by how mild my response to that love typically is. I mean, really?? How amazing is it that God, GOD, loves me? It's incredible! And so each morning this week, I've been reminding myself of this truth: that God loves me. It doesn't matter what I've done or haven't done. It doesn't matter what other people think about my faults and failures. It doesn't even matter how inadequate I feel in this life that I live. None of it matters. Because it's God's love for me that gives me worth, NOT my love for God.
I'll say that again. 

It's God's love for me that gives me worth and value, NOT my love for God. 

Both of these moments with these kids this week reminded me of the joy that we should have in realizing God's love for us. How often do we go prancing around telling people in excitement about God's love for us? 
While I was still a sinner, Christ chose to die for me and there is absolutely NOTHING that can separate me from His love in Christ Jesus. I'm thankful for the reminders that He gives to remind me how much He loves. 

Shame: Who Carries It?

I’ve been thinking about this idea of shame for a few weeks now (perhaps because I’ve recently faced my first tangible experience of shame, I’m not sure). There’s a line in one of my current favorite songs that asks, “who chose to carry all my shame?” It made me stop and think, and I have found that it is a concept that seems slightly elusive to me.

As a Christian, I’ve heard and stated and repeated the whole, “God has erased all my shame…all of my guilt is gone…I cannot disappoint God..” 'shpeel', but I honestly don’t recall ever feeling shame so strongly as when I clearly saw the negative effects of my choices/actions on one that I dearly love – a response that I truly did not expect; a response that was born out of love. So I ask myself:

What is shame?

Why do we have shame?

Is shame that is provoked by people something that people (or Christians?) should be concerned about?

How do we experience shame with God? After all, “therefore, there is now no condemnation…”

My bible dictionary/concordance defines shame as “a condition or feeling of humiliating disgrace or disrepute…” Shame brings feelings of criticism and condemnation, belittlement and a lessening of one’s value. I don’t know if you’re catching this vibe, but none of these things connect with the God that I know from the Bible. None of these feelings coincide at all with what God teaches us. So where does it come from?

There is most definitely a shame that comes with our fallen nature through sin. Our value, our worth, our acceptance are all based on what we do or don’t do. When we’re not good enough, we carry shame. Because in our fallen nature we can never be good enough for God, we innately carry shame that can’t ever be redeemed except by the blood of Jesus Christ. By his blood we are cleansed and forgiven, we are made whole and God looks at us as though we are new, spotless, unblemished. This is why scripture says that we no longer have any shame or condemnation through Christ Jesus. This is why we are not to carry shame as though we have some burden to work off. 

WE CAN’T WORK IT OFF!

AND THE BEAUTIUFL THING IS THAT HE DOESN’T ASK US TO!

But there is a shame that we need to be wary of... and that is casting a light of shame on God and His word. To make less of Him and what’s He’s done is to bring shame on His name and all that He is. Using His name in vain, dishonoring His righteous intentions, and rejecting His grace all make less of Him. God uses the weak to shame the proud. When we take what He has given us and make it something other than what He intended, when we take His name, His blood as our own, and wear it around as a casual windbreaker, we make less of Him. To make less of God in a world defiant to His love, is to say to the world, “you’re right, He’s not that big, not that important, not that significant.” You shame God. You shame His word. You shame the work of Christ on the cross.

That which is little is big in the hands of God. That which is weak is strong in the arms of God. That which is worthless is invaluable in the sight of God. Those who are humble will stand proud in the love of God.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” - Rom 8:1

The grace of God alone covers our shame. Let no one tell you otherwise.

Facing Fears

One of my favorite spots as a child was a window seat in one of our houses. It didn't overlook anything special; I don't even really remember what it was that I looked at, I just remember feeling at peace there. I would turn on some music, maybe get a book (or cd booklet), and just sit...and sing. It's been years since we lived there, but ever since, whenever I see a window seat, my heart gives a little leap of excitement. Not until moving to China have I had much experience with balconies (or rooftops), but I've come to realize I have a very similar reaction when I step out onto one. It's a feeling of release, of rest. 
I think that I might actually be afraid of heights deep down, but rather than running from that fear, I find the thrill of facing it freeing - with the exception of one time driving up the side of Pikes Peak with my family and being absolutely terrified that the van was gonna fall off the edge of the mountain. That is the only time I ever remember not being fully certain that my fear was unfounded. I bet my family didn't even know I was scared though. :) 
The reason I share this though is because every time I step onto a balcony, sit in a window seat or the edge of a roof, there's a part of me that feels as if I'm simply letting go of all control. I'm reminded that I am minuscule in the big picture and that I hold no control. The relief of not needing to is wonderful.

That window seat from my childhood has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks. In a strange bit of irony, I came to HK for a few days to get away and be alone to find that my bedroom has a wonderful window seat that is all mine to hole up in for hours at a time. Honestly, when I first climbed in, I was met with tears. This time I know that my escape comes in the form of the arms of my God. And in the process the lyrics to a song have spoken for me when I had no words.

 "I will stay, should the world 'round me fall, lift up Your name as the darkness falls. I will wait and hold fast to Your word; heart on Your heart and my eyes on Yours." - Stay and Wait, Hillsong United

You see, the world around me has fallen. All that I once knew and held tightly to has been exposed to be false. I have had walls broken down to reveal the devastation and neglect that has been ignored behind them. I feel weak. I feel exposed. I feel empty. 
My strength to give has all but diminished, not out of lack of desire, but a legitimate inability to do so. My energy is depleted and my emotions...are overwhelming. 
But there is a hope that I've found as well. Hope in knowing that in this exposure, this brokenness, I am ultimately, in the most desperate way possible, left at the mercy of God. It is by His hand that I've have been reduced to such and I am at peace with that. For I know that it is "in my weakness that He is made strong." I KNOW that He has full control. I also know that I have no means of taking back control. My life - however small and insignificant it is - is in His hands. And I find my solace in that.
So as I sit in the comfort of my window seat, feeling His arms of love wrapped around me, I'm finding the courage to face what I've been too scared to look at -  the loneliness that comes when you accept that people will always disappoint you. 
He will give me the strength to love again and by His mercy I will be made whole. I will be made complete in Him, and oh! The glory that He will receive in the end! 
"I will stay, should the world 'round me fall; lift up Your name as the darkness falls. I will wait, and hold fast to Your word; heart on Your heart and my eyes on Yours."

The Tie That Binds

So this post is, in part, a few weeks late. I'm finding that my motto this year is "life happens" and it sometimes gets in the way of what I intend to do. But even in the posting of my blogs, I sense that God knew that making me wait to post would give more meat to the subject. Of course He was right.

About three Sunday's ago, I had the very unique and precious experience of being able to "perform" (I hate that word) original songs with my two roommates on a public platform. Each of us did one of our own, and then two others just to sandwich the set. It truly was an amazing experience. For me, having the two of them up on the platform with me, gave me an extra boost of confidence for sure, but I think the greater blessing was watching both of them step up and expose their hearts to the public. I know how incredibly nerve-racking such a set-up can be, and it was no less stressful this time around. But they did wonderful! I think, for all three of us, one of the exciting factors was the ability that we had to alternate roles with both leading and supporting, as well as alternating instruments. And as I had the pleasure of sitting in the back and playing the drum for both of their songs, I remember thinking how amazing it is to see how far the three of us have come this year and what a blessing it is to be walking this season of the journey with them both. And what a season it's been!

Jess has affectionately dubbed it "the dark ages" and I have to admit that it's a fitting title. In the last three weeks alone, life has changed dramatically for all three of us, in ways that we would have never expected. I'm not inclined to share my roommates business on here for all of you to read, but your prayers for them would be very greatly appreciated.
As for me, I've been working through the horribly painful process of healing from old childhood wounds and facing truths about myself and my parents that I've ignored for years. (Side note: this is largely responsible for my lack of postings.) I've been coming to terms with my parents' coming divorce, learning that to be disappointed in people drives us closer to the One who never disappoints and, in the process, finding a new passion for more of God, birthed out of broken-hearted worship. 
The last six months have been riddled with one pain after another. It has truly been a time of darkness. But in all of the darkness that has surrounded, the presence of His Spirit has penetrated in such a real, tangible way that I can't help but look at the pain and say "thank you Father." 
In addition to that, I marvel at His divine plan to bring the three of us (my roommates and I) together at this stage of life. Between the three of us we have faced death, separations, disappointments, scary and uncertain circumstances.... We have given up what we wanted to hold on to, we have stepped out blindly, we have learned to speak and learned to be silent. We have been transparent and brutally honest. We have prayed together, cried together, laughed together - often all in the span of just one conversation. :) Through it all we have seen the power and strength of our great God hold us, guide us and comfort us. And while each of us has come to know that He is and always will be enough to get us through any situation, He has additionally blessed us with each other. 

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecc 4:12"

There's a good chance that I've bragged on my awesome roommates already in previous posts, but this blessing is worth bragging about again. It is truly a comfort see how God has tangibly provided for each of us the relationship, the accountability and the strength that we would each need as we walk this road. I kind of feel as though the concert that we were able to do was a visible picture of how far the three of us have come both individually and corporately, and the fluid shifts in our roles with each other that happen as needed and so naturally. He has bonded us together, and even now, though we are not able to be together physically, there is a constant reminder that He has connected us to each other.
God is BIG. And He is faithful. And He knows long before we ever do, exactly what we need. I am so thankful that His provision has come in the form of such wonderful friends that will encourage, love on and help to carry burdens to the cross when the load is too heavy to carry alone.