See Through Me

Years ago I used to pray to God for the boldness to be transparent; to be able to be completely honest with other people about my struggles, my strengths, my fears, my joys, my insecurities....
What I began to see was a growing willingness and desire to share my life with those around me. But I also realized that not everyone is willing, or wanting, to see the transparency of another. Everyone is NOT ok with complete honesty or the brutal reality of facing hard questions. I have been blessed immeasurably with a handful of friends who have been wonderful companions in this walk through life. Friends who have been there, ungrudgingly, in my time of need, and who I've been honored to witness God's working in their lives as well.

Here in Cn, there are two people in particular who have been a kind of catalyst to me in seeing this concept play out in my life.
My mentor has been unbelievably patient with me and my insecurities for the last year and a half, and her wisdom is truly of God. She has challenged me to dig in deeper with God in harder, more fruitful ways than I could have imagined two years ago. Probably one of the most memorable lessons I've learned from her is the necessity of being intentional. In terms of my walk with God, it means that He wants us to be intentional with Him. Peace, wisdom, discipline, guidance, service - these all take an intentional act on our part that is not always comfortable and usually scary. But He is faithful to hear and answer our prayers.
The other is one of my roommates.
Now, I want to point out that I have two roommates that are both amazing and equally precious to me. Their individual wisdom, patience, strength and understanding have been both inspiring and encouraging to me. I wouldn't have gotten through the last four months without them both. So don't misunderstand me, I'm not picking favorites. :) However, I've been blessed with the opportunity to see a special kind of friendship form between two friends who are so desperate to do God's will and to be ever in His presence that humility has taken the place of pride so that rather than two friends walking alongside each other in a self-absorbed kind of way, what you get instead is a beautiful, yet sometimes painful picture of individual growth and love through the accountability, growth and love of another. You see the beauty of encouragement, burden bearing, service and companionship.

The reason that I'm sharing this is that as I was sitting and considering all of this, I began to see the parallels to my relationship with God. God made us relational people. And as such, we often get a glimpse of his attributes in the lives of those around us. God wants a relationship with us. And not just the acknowledgement or the surface level friendship, but to actually, intentionally seek solace in Him who knows all of our insecurities, fears and struggles. He wants us to be transparent with Him; to be so transparent with him, that our thoughts towards him are not focused on how to present ourselves to Him, but rather - because He already knows - to simply be in His presence. He wants to walk through the pit with us as much as He wants to bring us to the palace. The point is to be with Him. Be transparently honest with Him. It's scary and many of our fears and insecurities are painful to admit, but they won't change a single thought that He has about you. He already knows and loves you despite all of them. Just think of what a freedom that would be to know - really know - that there are no restraints holding us back on either end of this relationship. :)