A Letter To The Church

Judgement can be a subtle thing.
Not always. Sometimes it's pretty brazen.
But it's the subtle judgements, the ones that seem rational, logical, fair, that can get us tripped up.

"But Ray, wait...what's wrong with rational, logical and fair? Those are good things!"

Absolutely! They are good. No argument.
We spend our lives in various ways seeking out and expecting rational, logical and fair. But who gets to hold the standard for rational, logical and fair?

Now, let me quickly interject that what I am NOT saying, is that you should not use your brain. Judgement, sound judgement, is necessary and expected. This is the judgement that leads you to make wise decisions, stay away from harm and basically live a healthy and protected life. 
But that's not the kind of judgement that I'm talking about. I'm talking about the judgements we make against others and situations where we stand in the position of judge and jury (and sometimes executioner). The ones we make when someone's seeming inconsideration on the road has you so angry that you deem it necessary to declare "foul!", and name the penalty. And while, in this case, the penalty may only be a tongue-lashing of a few course words inside the safety of your car, our spirit has just that quickly fallen into the sin of judgement.
And yes, it is a sin.
The rational. The logical. The fair.

“Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" (Matthew 7:1-3)"

 And the reason is simple: to stand in judgement of anyone is to stand in the place of God. He, as absolute justice, has stated the standards and he is the only one in a position to judge how well we meet those standards (which of course we cannot do, that's why we need Jesus). So when we take the role of judge away from God, we put ourselves in God's place (idolatry) and declare God incompetent (ouch!).

With all that said, I need to make an apology to the Church, for I have judged you, and judged you severely. I have judged your heart. I have judged your worship. I have judged your commitment to our Lord. I have judged your teachings. I have judged your gatherings. I have judged you to be a thing that I did not want to be a part of. And I am sorry. 
So incredibly and heartbreakingly sorry. 
I am a child of God. Saved by grace through faith, and not a thing more. I have a deep love and passion for the Church - a burning desire to see the Church awaken and step into all that God's purposed for US. But I allowed that passion to turn into judgement when, instead of celebration, I found disappointment.
Bonhoeffer says it this way in his book Life Together:

The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and try to realize it. But God's grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves. (pp26-27)

But instead of being disillusioned by myself and my great visions, judgement came and I lost the "promised Christian community". That judgement bred. It bred into all sorts of ugliness - insecurities, discontentment, anger, withdrawal, distrust, and more. And I have clearly seen the effect of my judgements against you in all of these ways in my own life. But I am not so naive as to think that my judgements have not also hurt you. 
I know that this might surprise some of you, but I do not have the words to convey the depth of my pain at the revelation of my judgements against you. "I'm sorry" just doesn't even begin to do justice. 
I'm sorry for the judgements that I've made against you and for the hurt that I've caused you. 
I want you to know that my love, my desire and my passion for the union between us and our Lord to be made manifest on this earth is as ever-burning as it was when the Lord lit me up years ago.
Dearest Church, I ask you for your forgiveness. And I thank God that He doesn't give up on us - even when our judgements convince us that "right is right, therefore I'm right." I'm so thankful that he's removed the blinders from my eyes to see you in all your splendor again. 
You are beautiful. You are set apart. You have been called with a purpose.
Church, I pray that together we can shine the light of Christ ever brighter into this world and reveal more of God's glory.