You look up from what you're doing to see what they're showing you and find a dirty, bloody gash. Maybe it's just a scrape; you can't really be sure. But what's certain is 1) this child has been hurt, 2) the wound is not immediately fresh, and 3) said child seems to have somehow missed the significance of the need to clean and tend such wounds.
You attempt to check the wound, but they flinch. You ask questions to find out what happened and, with a bit of patience, begin to piece together what might have happened. You compassionately respond to encourage beginning the cleaning process when said child responds with, "yea...it's bad." And walks away to carry on with activities of the day.
For a brief moment, you sit in shock, asking yourself a dozen rapid-fire questions..
"Why would you not want to clean the wound?"
"When did this conversation end? I thought we were still talking.."
"Do I chase them down and force the cleaning process or do I let them be and tend to it later?"
These are just a few of the questions...there are probably a dozen more that could probe your mind as you watch that child walk away, depending on the situation and severity of the wound....
It's a bit of a comical scenario, I know. But I've worked with and cared for enough children to know that situations like these actually DO happen. And what I'm beginning to discover is that more often than not, I am that child going to the Lord with my wounds. My wounds though look like fear, and judgement, and anxiety. My wounds look like burdens to measure up, accomplish goals, prove my worth/value/identity. My wounds are deeper than flesh and bone and often cut to the heart. It goes something like:
Me: God, this hurts...
God: It sure does
Me: I don't know what happened....just all of the sudden it started hurting.......and I can't make it stop
God: Do you remember ....? Or the time when .... ? And how .... made you feel?
Me: Oh. Yes. That makes sense. I guess that did hurt a bit. And now whenever .... happens, the pain comes back - sometimes bigger
God: Yea. Until now you haven't trusted me to be able to heal it. Can you trust me now?
Me: *thinking for a moment* Yea. I can trust you. *Leaves*And without actually giving that wound to the Father to tenderly care for and heal, I walk away.
Still wounded.
Thankfully, the Lord is not one to leave his children wounded when they're willing to let him work, so He pursues. And when He catches up to me, it's something like:
God: Will you cast your burdens (wounds) on me because I care for you? (1 Peter 5:7) A lot. Here, I'll take your burden and you can have my yoke (burden/wound) - it's easy and light. (Matthew 11: 29-30) Jesus has already done all the work so there's no pressure for you to accomplish anything or prove yourself. You can just rest confidently that you're covered and taken care of. I'll heal the wounds that you give to me and you can be whole - the way I created you to be. But you have to give me your burden because you can't carry both. I think you've been walking around wounded long enough.
Me: Ok! Oh....this feels weird.
God: You've been walking around carrying that burden for so long that you've gotten used to bearing the weight. But I never meant or desired for you to carry that weight. You were created to live and love in freedom and truth and righteousness. This is what that feels like....This is the message that's been getting hammered into my heart lately:
It's not enough to simply tell God that we're hurt.
He knows. Often He knows the 'why' better than we even do. But if we're not willing to find out the 'why' AND release it to Him, there's no casting burdens. We're just updating God with old news.
Our culture tends to shy away from acknowledging emotions. Sometimes they peak without our control or permission and we quickly have to shut them down. But emotions are not bad. They're telling you about something bigger going on in your soul. And if you don't listen to the emotion, how will you know the pain in your soul?
You can't let go of something you don't know you're holding.
I want to encourage you tonight to take the time to process those emotions that come flaring up throughout your life. That person that you have to deal with but always agitates you. Those situations that make you wholly uncomfortable and make you break out into hives. Those pains you've been carrying since childhood... God wants to mend them. He's outside of time and space, there is no point on the timeline that He can't bring healing to. Do the work. Ask the questions. And EXPECT the Lord to answer. He will meet you and He will not disappoint.
I'll admit, it's not always easy. Sometimes it hurts a little. But a little pain doesn't mean the wound is getting the worse. I've heard it said "God is not going to re-traumatize you". He wants to get you cleansed and looking more like Christ - genuinely and not of our own disappointing and heavy-laden will-power.
After 30 years of life, I'm finally learning to trust my emotions enough to let the Lord bring healing to some dark places. After all, wholeness and healing is what sanctification is all about.
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