I'm thankful for a week of beautiful sunshine and warmth during a week that I've actually been able to just sit and enjoy it. Taking time to rest and relax has been a beautiful blessing this week.
While sitting out on the balcony in the sunshine on New Year's Eve, one of my roommates asked me what happened in 2013. Suddenly, I could remember exactly where I was on December 31, 2012 and it hit me just how much has happened this year.
At the beginning of 2013 I was despairing, depressed. I had hit bottom and had no where to go but up, with no strength to do the climbing. I remember the first Sunday of the year, I walked into church having prayed a prayer that said something along the lines of, "God I need you to show me that you're here with me and that I'm not all alone." I found myself curled into a ball in the bathroom hallway with a stranger trying to soothe the tears as I was overwhelmed by God's response of love, compassion and warmth to me. That was before the sermon had even started.
That was the beginning of 2013 for me.
2013 was a year of experiences, revelations, victories, reminders, learning and blessing.
God didn't stop after that one service. He gave me time soak up the truth of what he had revealed to me. A month later, he started the work. He reminded me what love is, what forgiveness is, what healing is. This process went all the way through the summer, if not up to the present. Relationships have been restored and strengthened, while others have been let go with the trust that God is still working them out. Personally, I see a greater confidence in who I am in Christ, and who he created me to be. I've had a hunger awakened in me to not just know more, but to be more about Him.
If I took the time to sit a share every God moment that has happened in 2013, no one would read this blog. There's just too much to share! And that's just of the moments that I've recognized. I know there are those that I've missed and those that have not yet been fully revealed either.
I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but God is good. I wasn't particularly sad to see the end of 2013, but neither was there a sense of relief that comes at the end of a trial. Rather, His peace has settled my heart in the most uncertain of matters. To be certain, God has never left me alone and never once did he fail to come through in my time of need.
2014 holds the promise of growth, His continued work and more blessings to come. I can't wait!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Saturday, November 2, 2013
It's Not Fair
I'm still crippled. I'm still sitting around with not much to do.
That's a lie. I have tons to do. What's good is that most of it doesn't involve my foot - unless it's getting books and computers from one room to another...or going to work (meh).
But in my downtime, I've had a lot of time to sit and think and listen (ok, talk) to God.
Truthfully, my attitude has really stunk the last several weeks. I know it. I'm not proud of it. But this whole, let-others-do-for-you-so-you-can-get-better-thing has really pushed me hard. And I've found myself doing a lot of thinking about fairness. Because in my mind, it's not fair that I can no longer help clean up after dinner and do the dishes. It's not fair that I get yelled at by the people around me when I try to get up and do something on my own. It's not fair that I get angry with people who pay no attention to the fact that I'm on crutches and can only do so much with no available hands and one semi-good foot. It's not fair that when someone needs something, I can't just get up and get it for them. It's not fair that other people's schedules have had to readjust to my crippledness. It's not fair.
And as I've been whining about all of this to God, I started wondering what scripture says about fairness, and to that end...is fairness even a biblical concept?? Or is that another one of our western, "democratic" ideas that we assume is for the best of everyone?
The first scripture to pop into my head was the Golden Rule - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Or if you want it in biblical terms, "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). Logically, this makes sense, right? In kindergarten terms, it translates into "don't hit if you don't want to get hit", "be nice to the teacher if you want the teacher to be nice to you", "help a friend who's in need", etc. In adult terms I translate this as, "I do my best not to let my life overflow into yours in an inconvenient way, and you do the same" and "if I do something nice for you, you'll return the favor at a convenient time." But when asked "who is my neighbor?", Jesus responded with the story of the Good Samaritan - a man who went out of his way, with no necessity to help out one in need (who was NOT his friend)....
Naturally, my spirit kept prodding....Because then I thought, "What a great idea to do a quick study on what the bible says about fairness!"
I won't take you through the WHOLE thought process, but here's a quick look at some of the highlights I found:
James 2:1-5 (which we just discussed in study group about a month ago!) - My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him?
Ecc 9:11 - Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.
Prov 16:11 - A just balance and scales are the Lords, all the weights in the bag are his work.
Matt 20:16 - "So the last shall be first and the first shall be last"...coming at the end of the story about the laborers who all agreed to work for a denarius.
Gal 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
and finally,
John 3:16,17 - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
I've been doing a lot of complaining because I'm the cripple and it's not fair that I should be unable to take care of myself. But through a brief run through the scriptures here's the truth that I've come to in a new light:
Life is not fair.
Whether I'm the poor one or the rich one, the healthy one or the sick one, the right gender, color, height, weight, educated or not, we will ALL one day be judged by the righteousness and justice of God. And THAT is the only standard that will matter in the end. He is good and just in all things, but He showed mercy when we had no hope of redeeming ourselves because of His love for us. He asks us to do the same.
He doesn't ask us to be fair for the sake of equality; He doesn't ask us to act justly for the sake of legalism; and He doesn't ask us to live righteously so that we can be better than the lost who have not experienced His grace. All of those things allow us to judge "fairly" based on ourselves.
He asks us to love others so that the world "will know we are His by our love one for another" (John 13:35) - this said after Jesus washed the disciple's feet.
It takes as much humility to graciously receive love as it does to give unearned, unfelt, unsolicited love. It's not fair.
Thank God it's not fair!!
That's a lie. I have tons to do. What's good is that most of it doesn't involve my foot - unless it's getting books and computers from one room to another...or going to work (meh).
But in my downtime, I've had a lot of time to sit and think and listen (ok, talk) to God.
Truthfully, my attitude has really stunk the last several weeks. I know it. I'm not proud of it. But this whole, let-others-do-for-you-so-you-can-get-better-thing has really pushed me hard. And I've found myself doing a lot of thinking about fairness. Because in my mind, it's not fair that I can no longer help clean up after dinner and do the dishes. It's not fair that I get yelled at by the people around me when I try to get up and do something on my own. It's not fair that I get angry with people who pay no attention to the fact that I'm on crutches and can only do so much with no available hands and one semi-good foot. It's not fair that when someone needs something, I can't just get up and get it for them. It's not fair that other people's schedules have had to readjust to my crippledness. It's not fair.
And as I've been whining about all of this to God, I started wondering what scripture says about fairness, and to that end...is fairness even a biblical concept?? Or is that another one of our western, "democratic" ideas that we assume is for the best of everyone?
The first scripture to pop into my head was the Golden Rule - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Or if you want it in biblical terms, "love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). Logically, this makes sense, right? In kindergarten terms, it translates into "don't hit if you don't want to get hit", "be nice to the teacher if you want the teacher to be nice to you", "help a friend who's in need", etc. In adult terms I translate this as, "I do my best not to let my life overflow into yours in an inconvenient way, and you do the same" and "if I do something nice for you, you'll return the favor at a convenient time." But when asked "who is my neighbor?", Jesus responded with the story of the Good Samaritan - a man who went out of his way, with no necessity to help out one in need (who was NOT his friend)....
Naturally, my spirit kept prodding....Because then I thought, "What a great idea to do a quick study on what the bible says about fairness!"
I won't take you through the WHOLE thought process, but here's a quick look at some of the highlights I found:
James 2:1-5 (which we just discussed in study group about a month ago!) - My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brothers, has not God chosen those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom, which he has promised to those who love him?
Ecc 9:11 - Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.
Prov 16:11 - A just balance and scales are the Lords, all the weights in the bag are his work.
Matt 20:16 - "So the last shall be first and the first shall be last"...coming at the end of the story about the laborers who all agreed to work for a denarius.
Gal 3:28 - There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
and finally,
John 3:16,17 - “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.
I've been doing a lot of complaining because I'm the cripple and it's not fair that I should be unable to take care of myself. But through a brief run through the scriptures here's the truth that I've come to in a new light:
Life is not fair.
Whether I'm the poor one or the rich one, the healthy one or the sick one, the right gender, color, height, weight, educated or not, we will ALL one day be judged by the righteousness and justice of God. And THAT is the only standard that will matter in the end. He is good and just in all things, but He showed mercy when we had no hope of redeeming ourselves because of His love for us. He asks us to do the same.
He doesn't ask us to be fair for the sake of equality; He doesn't ask us to act justly for the sake of legalism; and He doesn't ask us to live righteously so that we can be better than the lost who have not experienced His grace. All of those things allow us to judge "fairly" based on ourselves.
He asks us to love others so that the world "will know we are His by our love one for another" (John 13:35) - this said after Jesus washed the disciple's feet.
It takes as much humility to graciously receive love as it does to give unearned, unfelt, unsolicited love. It's not fair.
Thank God it's not fair!!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Thank you and more
Your prayers have been felt and appreciated. From the depths of my heart, "THANK YOU" to all of you who have been praying for healing for me.
My foot is still out of commission and I'm still hobbling around on crutches. But I was able to get some time off of work last week so as to help speed up the recovery process a bit. I go back tomorrow morning, and we'll see how well I can stay off of it.
Attitude-wise, I'm overall doing much better than I was when I wrote to you all last week. However, I've still had my moments of discouragement. Especially over the last couple of nights. I had a bit of a realization last night. I as I was trying to communicate to my roommate how absolutely horrible I felt about this whole situation, it dawned on me that throughout the week I was hopeful that I'd be able to go back to work this Monday with a healed foot and life would be normal again. Instead, as the weekend came and passed, my foot decided to play games with me - it pretends like it's fine and then I try to walk [lightly] on it and it starts shooting severe shots of pain through my leg for the rest of the day. What I realized is that my unmet expectations have horribly dampened my attitude.
I told my roommate last night that I've been praying for healing without a timetable because I dare not give Him a deadline, but apparently that's exactly what I did. And now that the deadline has passed and complete healing has not happened my mind has switched over to worse-case scenarios that say I'm going to be stuck on crutches for a while.
I don't know what's going to happen with my foot. It may be a while before I'm able to walk normal again. Then again, maybe it'll just be a few more days. What I do know is that God is still at work around me even now, and even in this condition I have been positioned to hear His voice and respond. If necessary, He'll use this to further His plan and it will still be considered good.
To those of you who are still keeping me in prayer, thank you. I'd like to ask that you pray for my ability to hear His voice in all of this. As well as for energy and strength to get around as I go back to work, and wisdom to make good choices. And of course, I'd like to walk again. :)
I feel the prayers covering. Thank you all!
My foot is still out of commission and I'm still hobbling around on crutches. But I was able to get some time off of work last week so as to help speed up the recovery process a bit. I go back tomorrow morning, and we'll see how well I can stay off of it.
Attitude-wise, I'm overall doing much better than I was when I wrote to you all last week. However, I've still had my moments of discouragement. Especially over the last couple of nights. I had a bit of a realization last night. I as I was trying to communicate to my roommate how absolutely horrible I felt about this whole situation, it dawned on me that throughout the week I was hopeful that I'd be able to go back to work this Monday with a healed foot and life would be normal again. Instead, as the weekend came and passed, my foot decided to play games with me - it pretends like it's fine and then I try to walk [lightly] on it and it starts shooting severe shots of pain through my leg for the rest of the day. What I realized is that my unmet expectations have horribly dampened my attitude.
I told my roommate last night that I've been praying for healing without a timetable because I dare not give Him a deadline, but apparently that's exactly what I did. And now that the deadline has passed and complete healing has not happened my mind has switched over to worse-case scenarios that say I'm going to be stuck on crutches for a while.
I don't know what's going to happen with my foot. It may be a while before I'm able to walk normal again. Then again, maybe it'll just be a few more days. What I do know is that God is still at work around me even now, and even in this condition I have been positioned to hear His voice and respond. If necessary, He'll use this to further His plan and it will still be considered good.
To those of you who are still keeping me in prayer, thank you. I'd like to ask that you pray for my ability to hear His voice in all of this. As well as for energy and strength to get around as I go back to work, and wisdom to make good choices. And of course, I'd like to walk again. :)
I feel the prayers covering. Thank you all!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Prayers for the Incapacitated
So, I apparently have this thing called Plantar Fasciitis. You can look it up and figure out all the details on your own, but the gist of what this means to me is that I'm not allowed to walk on my foot until it stops hurting again.
Can I just say that I've had my fair share of illnesses, this I know, and I've learned that I am a pretty pathetic patient. But I've also learned that I mostly just want everyone to feel sorry for me and know how miserable I feel, I don't actually expect people to do anything for me. So here I am stuck in bed or condemned to crutches and I'm forced to let others do for me what I should be perfectly capable of doing for myself. To make matters worse, there's the whisper of a lie in the back of my mind that says "this situation is [my own] fault... should have done something about it two weeks ago when the pain first started." The reality is, I'm not sure that anything would have come of it weeks ago. The pain just climaxed at the end last week and when I went to the doctor, he told me there was nothing wrong (see why I don't go!!). Needless to say, I've been struggling at learning some new lessons on pride and humility, as well as patience.
I believe that there is certainly another player at work in this however. I've been leading music for our fellowship here for the last two weeks and have spent lots of time in prayer over what God would want to do in these services. Last week in particular, I sensed God was setting me up for something powerful. First of all, I wasn't even supposed to be leading that week originally. A few weeks back I felt God laying it on my heart to lead music for the next testimony service AND THEN the schedule got changed. (And I hadn't even put these two things together until after the change was made and accepted.) To keep a longish story short, songs, testimonies, scriptures and teams were all coming together seemingly with little to no effort on my part, and as the week drew near my excitement grew for what God wanted to do. But when Sunday morning came, I couldn't walk. Mind you I'm expected to be standing when I lead.
Can I walk you through my week last week?
Mon-Tues: in bed sick
Wed-Thurs: still sick but back at work; also dealing with a sore foot that I can't walk on. Visit the emergency room Thurs only to be told "all is well".
Fri: I felt wonderful
Sat: I couldn't walk. Spent the afternoon running around on crutches and doing random errands to continue on with life as usual.
Sunday morning I made my way into church on my crutches looking and feeling ridiculously pathetic and walked up to a team whose faces all conveyed the pity I wanted so desperately to avoid and chose to focus on the joy of what the morning held before us. We prayed over the service and each other and the week and were about to get started with practice when one of the team members asks for us all to join together in prayer against the enemy that would use my foot as a deterrent to keep me from being there and following through on what God would do through me and the team. It was then that it hit me how horrible my week really had been. But I was so filled with excitement for congregational worship Sunday morning that none of the attacks seemed to be hitting the mark. That just fanned the flame already burning in me.
Now, I'm feeling a bit like Elijah after Mt Carmel. My foot feels worse, if not the same as it did on Sat (which was the worst). My upper body is bruised and abused from the crutches. My one supporting good leg is threatening to revolt. I'm just overall exhausted from the effort it takes to do anything and to top it all off, I twisted my wrist this morning walking the dog, making walking on crutches that much more painful.
I won't go so far as to say "I'm the only one...", I know that's not true. But I keep looking back to Sunday and trying to grasp a hold of the hope and joy that I had seemingly so long ago.
I am feeling attacked and I'm fighting off discouragement. But I'm laying down my pride here long enough to ask those of you reading this to please be in prayer for my mind, spirit and body. I know this will end and things will get better again. I also know that my God answers prayers and I would really appreciate you all joining my roommates and I in this. Thanks
Can I just say that I've had my fair share of illnesses, this I know, and I've learned that I am a pretty pathetic patient. But I've also learned that I mostly just want everyone to feel sorry for me and know how miserable I feel, I don't actually expect people to do anything for me. So here I am stuck in bed or condemned to crutches and I'm forced to let others do for me what I should be perfectly capable of doing for myself. To make matters worse, there's the whisper of a lie in the back of my mind that says "this situation is [my own] fault... should have done something about it two weeks ago when the pain first started." The reality is, I'm not sure that anything would have come of it weeks ago. The pain just climaxed at the end last week and when I went to the doctor, he told me there was nothing wrong (see why I don't go!!). Needless to say, I've been struggling at learning some new lessons on pride and humility, as well as patience.
I believe that there is certainly another player at work in this however. I've been leading music for our fellowship here for the last two weeks and have spent lots of time in prayer over what God would want to do in these services. Last week in particular, I sensed God was setting me up for something powerful. First of all, I wasn't even supposed to be leading that week originally. A few weeks back I felt God laying it on my heart to lead music for the next testimony service AND THEN the schedule got changed. (And I hadn't even put these two things together until after the change was made and accepted.) To keep a longish story short, songs, testimonies, scriptures and teams were all coming together seemingly with little to no effort on my part, and as the week drew near my excitement grew for what God wanted to do. But when Sunday morning came, I couldn't walk. Mind you I'm expected to be standing when I lead.
Can I walk you through my week last week?
Mon-Tues: in bed sick
Wed-Thurs: still sick but back at work; also dealing with a sore foot that I can't walk on. Visit the emergency room Thurs only to be told "all is well".
Fri: I felt wonderful
Sat: I couldn't walk. Spent the afternoon running around on crutches and doing random errands to continue on with life as usual.
Sunday morning I made my way into church on my crutches looking and feeling ridiculously pathetic and walked up to a team whose faces all conveyed the pity I wanted so desperately to avoid and chose to focus on the joy of what the morning held before us. We prayed over the service and each other and the week and were about to get started with practice when one of the team members asks for us all to join together in prayer against the enemy that would use my foot as a deterrent to keep me from being there and following through on what God would do through me and the team. It was then that it hit me how horrible my week really had been. But I was so filled with excitement for congregational worship Sunday morning that none of the attacks seemed to be hitting the mark. That just fanned the flame already burning in me.
Now, I'm feeling a bit like Elijah after Mt Carmel. My foot feels worse, if not the same as it did on Sat (which was the worst). My upper body is bruised and abused from the crutches. My one supporting good leg is threatening to revolt. I'm just overall exhausted from the effort it takes to do anything and to top it all off, I twisted my wrist this morning walking the dog, making walking on crutches that much more painful.
I won't go so far as to say "I'm the only one...", I know that's not true. But I keep looking back to Sunday and trying to grasp a hold of the hope and joy that I had seemingly so long ago.
I am feeling attacked and I'm fighting off discouragement. But I'm laying down my pride here long enough to ask those of you reading this to please be in prayer for my mind, spirit and body. I know this will end and things will get better again. I also know that my God answers prayers and I would really appreciate you all joining my roommates and I in this. Thanks
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
My Heart Tonight
Brokenness.
Humility.
Surrender.
When all of life falls
apart, when everything that you’ve valued, loved and created falls away, what
do you have left?
What do you stand on?
When the ones that you
love can no longer love you the same, where does your value lie?
To you who messed up,
made too many wrong choices, hurt too many people too many times – don’t give
up.
To you who know that you didn't deserve all of those chances and you don’t deserve another chance – don’t sabotage yourself, take it.
To you who feel hopeless
without a place to call home – don’t lose hope.
To you who struggle to
find purpose and meaning, you who think that you amount to nothing because
you’re not somebody’s everything – you’re wrong.
To Him, you are
everything. You are worth every blood
drop, every scrape, every bruise, every insult, and every wound. To Him, you
are worth holding close, you are worth calling, you are worth loving.
There are too many people
in my life that I see fighting the lies that this world throws at us everyday.
The problem is that they fight the lies with lies and after a while they can’t
figure out if they’re up or down and truth feels like a fantasy.
I know peace. I know security. I know hope.
I know peace. I know security. I know hope.
I also know how loudly
the lies can shout. It’s not easy. I won’t pretend otherwise. But it’s worth
it.
I want you to know it too.
Surrender to the One who
created all things, who holds the world in His hands, who gave us the gift of
choice and wrote His law upon our hearts, is not captivity. It is not
restriction. It is freedom. Freedom from striving, from proving, from fighting, from earning, from failing. Freedom from the forced fallings of the world around us.
To those of you
suffering, for whatever reasons, know that YOU ARE LOVED.
Don’t give up.
Don’t lose hope.
Don’t listen to the lies.
Look up.
Thank you for worshiping
Someone thanked me for worshipping
God last Sunday night.
It wasn’t just a “thanks for coming
and worshipping with us”, it was an “I really appreciate your genuine and open
heart during worship”. I don’t repeat this as a point of pride to flaunt
around. But the moment has stuck with me for the last two days and this is why
– because what someone else was thanking me for was actually a battle of the
flesh versus the spirit. And as I was discussing this with a friend later that
evening, it dawned on me how much of a testimony that is.
Leading people into God’s presence through music and singing and reflection is something that I feel I have been specifically called to for many years now. It is a position that I very much enjoy. It has also come to my attention that it is also a position that I can too easily take too lightly. It is no light thing to stand in the gap and draw people into His presence. It requires diligence and discipline on my part; a heart for God, an awareness of His people and a desire for the two to connect.
God’s been reminding me of this over
the last week.
And not at all too soon, you see,
because starting this month, my role as a worship leader is about to become
much more demanding and all-the-more front-lined.
So Sunday night God put me back in
my place. He reminded me of the importance of worship, drew out the foundations
of worship, and then spelled out for me the purpose of my calling to lead
others in worship. I spent the evening pressing in for forgiveness, begging for
a glimpse of real worship, and at the end of the service I got a “thank
you”.
Worship is real life. It’s not the
music. It’s not a feel good moment. It’s not a two-hour service or even the
presence of other like-minded souls gathering together. Worship draws us closer
to that which we were created for and can be incredibly fulfilling – as it
should be – but it’s not always easy, nor is it always fun. I was fighting. I
was fighting laziness, busyness, complacency and even tradition. Someone else
saw an individual with a heart that so desired God that they were willing to
forego the awkwardness of new surroundings and unfamiliar people and dig in for
the purpose of experiencing God right now. That is worship.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Super Storms and Knowledge
Yesterday we took Mango to the beach. Typhoon Usagi was making waves and destroying the boardwalk impressively, and the Floridian in me wanted to go see. I found myself missing home. The waves, while huge in comparison to what we're used to here in China, were about normal for a wavey day in S. Fl and I was reminded of the many nights I would sit and listen to them beat upon the shore while I just reflected on whatever the my recent circumstance was. These days my most current circumstances consist of working ALL DAY (after years of part time work even a full day with a 2 1/2 lunch is long, haha), school in the evenings, random dinner dates, study groups, outreaches, swimming, and soon I'll be adding leading worship every other week at the international fellowship to that list.
I'm not complaining mind you. Not at all. With the exception of working all day, I've volunteered for all of these wonderfully fulfilling time-sucking endeavors. At the end of the day, I'm completely exhausted but feeling productive - and that feels good. At the same time, taking a break for random Chinese holiday's feels pretty good as well - especially when the most powerful storm of the year decides to come pay a visit to your coast at the end of it.
Life is good.
Work is fun. Home is refreshing. Friends are a blessing. Family is no longer weighing on me. Ministry is in action. And I KNOW that God is at work. Right now. He is at work. And I am at complete peace knowing that I don't have to have all of the answers to what comes next, because I know right now.
I know that the blood of Jesus Christ has redeemed me and that I am bought with a price. That means that I am valuable to God and tells me that He cares about the little things that weigh on my heart enough to take care of them according to His best (which I've learned is a LOT better than mine.)
I know that He is working all things for good because I love Him and have been called according to His purpose. That means the scary things (dad's big day tomorrow) and heart-wrenching moments (the pain of a loved one's choices) are still being used for good in my life. If for no other reason than to reveal more of Himself to me, that would be enough.
I know that Jesus is the head and that we are the body and that we all work together to bring this world into the knowledge of God's glory and love. That means that at every moment I am being the church, and I want to be a light that shines on Him brightly.
I've been reminded in the last week that being the church is much more important the doing church. All the things that fill up my schedule these days are great, but they don't mean a thing if I'm not tuned in to Him. I don't want to just 'do'. Super storm Usagi has reminded me that life is rough, it's unpredictable, and even when it looks like it's going to be bad, it's not always what it seems. I've seen beauty and strength and I'm reminded once again that God is holding it/us all in His hands. I'm safe. I'm secure. I'm His.
I'm not complaining mind you. Not at all. With the exception of working all day, I've volunteered for all of these wonderfully fulfilling time-sucking endeavors. At the end of the day, I'm completely exhausted but feeling productive - and that feels good. At the same time, taking a break for random Chinese holiday's feels pretty good as well - especially when the most powerful storm of the year decides to come pay a visit to your coast at the end of it.
Life is good.
Work is fun. Home is refreshing. Friends are a blessing. Family is no longer weighing on me. Ministry is in action. And I KNOW that God is at work. Right now. He is at work. And I am at complete peace knowing that I don't have to have all of the answers to what comes next, because I know right now.
I know that the blood of Jesus Christ has redeemed me and that I am bought with a price. That means that I am valuable to God and tells me that He cares about the little things that weigh on my heart enough to take care of them according to His best (which I've learned is a LOT better than mine.)
I know that He is working all things for good because I love Him and have been called according to His purpose. That means the scary things (dad's big day tomorrow) and heart-wrenching moments (the pain of a loved one's choices) are still being used for good in my life. If for no other reason than to reveal more of Himself to me, that would be enough.
I know that Jesus is the head and that we are the body and that we all work together to bring this world into the knowledge of God's glory and love. That means that at every moment I am being the church, and I want to be a light that shines on Him brightly.
I've been reminded in the last week that being the church is much more important the doing church. All the things that fill up my schedule these days are great, but they don't mean a thing if I'm not tuned in to Him. I don't want to just 'do'. Super storm Usagi has reminded me that life is rough, it's unpredictable, and even when it looks like it's going to be bad, it's not always what it seems. I've seen beauty and strength and I'm reminded once again that God is holding it/us all in His hands. I'm safe. I'm secure. I'm His.
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